A year later...We Celebrate Gotcha Day!

This day will be forever etched in my mind, just as I remember the birth of my other children.  I could imagine what the birth of my children would be like and how I would feel when they arrived.  With Mahaela's adoption, I couldn't really wrap my mind around it.  I didn't know how full I would feel or how instant the love would be or how satisfying it would be.  Each of those things came at different times and in different measures...but it happened.  I couldn't have hoped, dreamed, or prayed for this adoption, transition, or first year to have gone any better than it has.  This blog has been a year of mostly writing about our adoption process and Mahaela.  I do have 4 other children that are no less special or loved by me.  I could write about any of them...but I would probably lose the 12 followers that I have!  I think I have felt most led to blog so that I may savor this process and experience, as it is unlike any other.  I also feel in some way that it will be a very preserved memory for Mahaela as she grows up.  And so for now, I keep trying to update occasionally.
Below are two segments of the same video of Mahaela leaving her orphanage.  Poor little thing...she didn't even know.  She was so ready and willing to leave all that she knew and no one was stopping her.  I am sure that by the time we tucked her into bed that night, she was done with us and ready for her ride back to her "home."  That first night was "worrisome."  She just kept repeating something over and over as she sat in bed crying, screaming.  It didn't sound like "eskum dow" but that is what she was saying..."I want down!"  We weren't holding her in bed, she sat there pretty easily, but she would not lay down and didn't for several days.  We would just watch her fall over asleep.  That first night she cried hard.  She started wheezing quite a bit and she was a sweaty, hot mess.  We were concerned about how much of a workout her sick little heart was getting by all of the stress and crying.  God showed us much mercy, because we got through those early days and weeks...without it being quite as bad as we imagined it could have been. 
Now a year later...she is one of us and has been from the beginning.  She has brothers and sisters that really love her.  There is still a bit of rivalry/jealousy between Lindsey and Mahaela, but it is better and they have become play buddies.  Mahaela has much more attention and ability to sit, even since the summer.  She now can watch TV, movies, and sit for books.  She really does love to be read to.  She is learning at preschool...I'm sure she will get "most improved" this school year.  She is learning shapes, colors, numbers, animals very quickly.
A highlight of the year for me was her recovery from her surgery.  We dreaded putting her through something so awful when she didn't "appear" sick.  We just knew it needed to be done and pushed through.  She had a bit of a rough recovery...she had days of pain and it was so hard to watch.  My heart just crumbled when she grabbed her chest screaming from the pain of the chest tube and nothing seemed to give her immediate or complete relief.  But so many people were praying for her...with time, recovery came.  She was riding her bike in the hospital halls for days before she was even discharged.  Her doctors think she looks fantastic...and we couldn't agree more.
She is a beautiful blessing in our lives and a reminder of the good that our Heavenly Father wants to shower on us all.  He gave us more than the desire of our hearts. 

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights..." James 1:17



I think the last words that you can hear one of the caregivers say is Ciao and Dovizhdane...both goodbye in Bulgarian.  There were many tears, mostly my own.  I had such gratitude for the care she had received and knew that it was a difficult day for them to see her go.  But they were so strong and truly happy for "Misha."

I just found this video that Bill must have made when he was playing around with video making...I don't think I have posted this exact one, but maybe something similar.  It contains photos from our Gotcha day and time in Bulgaria...such a special time.



Blessed beyond measure...To God be all the Glory.



Celebrating Mahaela's 4th Birthday!!!

That was then...

This is now!

Mahaela is 4 years old today!  This is our first birthday to celebrate with her.  We have been celebrating for a few days now.  She loved getting presents and had priceless reactions to each gift. 

I just received an e-card from her orphanage, the head nurse specifically.  They are thinking of her and I know they must be missing her terribly.  We sent them 2 coats recently as a gift for her birthday and also for her Gotcha day.  They were so kind to send her with 2 coats when we left the orphanage--they said both were hers and they wanted her to have them.  We didn't really need them, but I took everything they offered--from her toothbrush to her tights.  I intend to save everything, because it is all that Mahaela has to remember those first 3 years by.  I hope to send them two coats every year to celebrate her birthday.  I also sent them some recent photos.  I wish they could really see her now!

We know how unbelievable blessed we have been by having Mahaela in our family.  She is really a joy for all of us.  There is something magical about 4 year olds.  We look forward to this next year with her.  I know we have only had her for a  year...but she really is growing up too fast! 

I do wonder what her birthmom thinks of this day.  I pray she just dreams of how well she might be doing and that she believes that she did what was best for Mahaela.  Her birth parents were just part of story.  I thank God that we can be part of her story from here on out. 

Here is a video of us explaining to her that we were beginning to celebrate her birthday a couple days early...

(ya, lately she is doing something very strange with her tongue when she is embarrassed or nervous or very excited in this case!)

I know I have been quiet and I have a little blogging to fill in the gaps, but it will have to wait for another time still. 

Pack-pack and Love Notes

I have let a lot of time lapse since my last post.  I could probably write a book...but no time for that!  So I am just shooting off this short post to say we are still here.  I heard a speaker once at the mom's group at school talk about her experiences with fostering and adoption.  They had really suffered so much disappointment, but one of their Sunday School kid's said to the dad, "The neatest things always happen to you."  That is exactly how I feel right now.  So much has happened in our family, but God is good.  Don't misunderstand...we are not suffering, but sometimes what appears to be a diffuculty or hardship or inconvenience can be the absolute biggest blessing--the "neat" things in our lives.

I could put this in a post all it's own, but I had to share here one of the sweetest notes from my husband.  I am also sharing the video that prompted the email below.  I am blessed to see my husband love my children.

(after 8,452 tries, this finally uploaded!  Miracles never cease!)

Shell,
I can't stop watching that video. It is so cute, shows off her language and faces, and, of course, apparently she loves me. We have been truly blessed above anything I could have prayed or thought. God gave her to us, I know you knew it the whole time, it took me a little longer. I think it is amazing what you have done with her. I can't believe that God gave us the ability to love Mahaela like our others. I knew it could happen in theory but it has happened completely. What a journey we have been on. Loved every minute of it (with a few exceptions), and I loved doing this adoption journey with you - my best friend and the love of my life.

Bill

We met a year ago today

This photo was taken by my friend and fellow adoptive mom, Joy.  She and Nate really started the spark that led us to our youngest.  She simply made a post on her blog in February of 2009 announcing their intention to adopt.  That begged the question, "why not us?" 

One year ago Monday, July 19, 2010, we experienced the special day of meeting Misha standing on her orphanage steps.  There were several caregivers to greet us and lots of foreign language ringing out.  They were saying "Misha" and we had never heard that nickname before.  Bill kind of pulled back and said, "Is that Mahaela?"  We didn't want to mess up this first greeting.  It was indeed Mahaela!  She walked us right back to the office of the head nurse.  She gave us hugs and her signature pat on the back.  Her hair was fixed cute--they were putting their best foot forward.  She was sweet and spoiled!

The picture below was in the first few moments that we were with her.  She already had candy in her mouth and had also taken my sunglasses...she loves sunglasses! 

I am thankful for the day we met Mahaela.  It's a day much like my other children's birth days--a day that is difficult to describe in words--a day I will never forget!

I know this is from an old post, but it captures many moments from our time in Bulgaria a year ago.

7 months home today!

A few photos from summer days!

Mahaela on a car trip with headphones on--completely entertained.  She is a good traveler.

"I just woke up" as she would say.  The girl has HAIR!

Getting acclimated to the pool.  She prefers to just park it on the steps...which works out just fine!

Going down the wall slide at City Museum in St. Louis.  She really loved it.  She left with some hefty head bumps, bruises, and skinned knees and elbows!  (We [and by "we" I mean Bill] often opt for fun over common sense.  Don't send your 3 year old down a 3 story slide--they will reach terminal velocity!

Lindsey, Mahaela, Jake, Bill

Mahaela continues to do well.  She is recovered!  What a blessing and Praise the Lord!  We have had a great summer so far.  Zak cousins came for a visit and we all traveled to Missouri for the beautiful wedding of our nephew, Sam, to his bride, Jess.  If there has been one negative to the summer, it would have to be the lack of naps that Mahaela takes.  Today, she woke up with a stomping, angry attitude.  I think she needs a little more down time than she got this 4th of July weekend.  She got shots again last week--2 in her left thigh.  She didn't walk for a day and a half.  We carried her from bed to couch.  It was pretty sad and pathetic...and she might be a bit dramatic.  She did have a pretty good fever from them also.  She had to have adult versions of the pneumo- and meningococcal vaccines due to her lack of spleen.  One more Hep A the end of the month and she should be done for 2 years. 

The other negative to kids out of school, visitors around, and dad on vacation is that I lose rank!  It's a subtle attitude, but she easily dismisses me and definitely prefers daddy.  I'll survive.  Fall will come soon and we will be best buds again. 

We are really just enjoying her.  I can see much that we will be dealing with down the road and even now--she is a little spit fire and quickly goes from 0 to 10!  She is quick to pinch, scratch her siblings, especially Lindsey.  Yep, she's a pistol, but so endearing at the same time.  We just have to continue with the consistent correction. 

Almost a year ago we met her for the first time...that's another post.

She's a cutie!

I don't know if I shared this photo earlier in my blog...to lazy to check, but this is one of my favs given to me by the orphanage. I had know idea when it was taken, until I was downloading it to a file and the date and time popped up (I'm not computer savvy, so I wouldn't have had a clue that those details would be with the photo.) It says it was taken at 9:30 am 11/17/09--the morning of her second birthday. What a happy little girl. Was she just waking up?? Is that time accurate? If she was anything then, like she is now, she does enjoy sleeping in. 9:30 is not unusual for Mahaela--she's a good Hauter kid! And as she usually says, regardless of the time of day, "I just woke up!"
I was just looking up some photos after sending an email to her orphanage who was asking about her. What sweet ladies who must really be wondering about M. and missing her.

The First 6 Months of Forever

It's Memorial weekend. It's also a milestone day for us. 6 months ago we picked up Mahaela and walked down those orphanage steps and haven't looked back! I could just cry thinking of that day. I have been questioning Mahaela a lot about the details of her life in the orphanage. She says nothing about her time there. I wonder if she can even think "I didn't have a mommy then, and now I do." I'm sure her young mind can't really wrap around what has happened to her. I know she had happy times and was loved at the orphanage, but she simply can't hold these memories--she was a two year old.

Also, 2 months ago she had her open heart surgery. She is doing fabulous. In the past 2 weeks, she has seen both her cardiologist and her surgeon. She also had an echocardiogram. They all agree that she is doing great. We were able to stop her lasix. She takes an antibiotic, aspirin, heart medication, and vitamin every day. They believe she can be weaned off of her heart med in about 6 months since she did not require any heart meds before her surgery. She recently had another ear infection which required us to change her antibiotic for 10 days. In spite of these minor things, she is the picture of health! Praise the Lord. She has energy and stamina that is at or above the level of any 3 year old. She loves the "jumpoline"--which we agree is a much better name than trampoline! She plays outside as often as she can. Tomorrow she will experience our pool for the first time. It is supposed to be a beautiful, sunny day. She will have to be slathered in sunscreen, but it's gonna be so fun!

I have been imagining this sweet little girl with sweaty curls and a dinky little swimsuit running around this place--those days are finally here.

She has been such a good girl. She has a tender heart, but at the same time gets so mad. She's mad, but she wants to say sorry. She really has been so easy. She loves to sleep with us--and we love it to. Last night she slept with Aubrey (and Ryan, too). She loved getting to do that. I went in to wake them for church and she was awake, just laying between them. It was pretty cute. Today she walked out after her nap and had a head full of sweaty curls, and says, "I just woke up." She says that all the time, with the cutest smile on her face--a true bedhead!

Well, I just wanted to give a quick update. I'm so thrilled that so many of my Bulgaria-to-adopt friends are getting close to picking up their sweeties also. It's a great joy to see others experience the miracle of adoption just as we have. It's amazing. It's a smile forever stamped on my heart!

Mahaela 3 1/2 years old

Next stop--POTTY TRAINING! I'll let you know how it goes, but I'm a big quitter! (which is why I'm reluctant to even begin!!)

5 Months Home

It's been an awesome 5 months. To be honest, my brain can't find words right now, so I can't wax eloquent about our journey together. All I can say is that I feel completely blessed. I wanted to be willing to do the "hard" thing for Jesus who has done the impossible thing for me. But in the end...I have just been blessed. We have been given a prize!
Bill asked the kids the other night what they thought of how the adoption went or how it was going. The kids just oozed at how great Mahaela is and how much they love her and how much she fits in with our family. We all feel like we cheated the system. It was pretty cute how they just couldn't get over how it has all worked out. It really is an amazing thing that happens when you think of the child you could "get" and you realize that it doesn't matter what child it is or what difficulties come with them...it is simply YOUR child. It's so difficult for me explain. Maybe someday the words will come better than they are today. I was trying to explain to someone how we looked at all these special needs and talked ourselves into some. The conversation in your head, to be blunt, is "I don't really want a child who has _____ or can't _____." No one "wants" an unhealthy child or a child who will face difficulties in life or who will be made fun of or who may die young or....We all pray for healthy children to be born. But somewhere in the decision to choose a special needs child the conversation switches to "that's my child who has ____ and yes I can, will, and still love them!" Bill and I have commented several times on a message board post from a mom describing her adopted son...he sounded simply awful and she gave a great description of how awful he was. But the very next sentence had a beautiful description of her child--a picture of how connected they were and how much she loved him! Could it really be the same child?? At the same time that we have the capacity to be disappointed, dislike, hate (yes, gotta be real...I do hate some things the kids do or how they act. Hate is a strong word--so replace with dislike very much or detest if that makes it easier to swallow!) things about our children...we have all been given this amazing, God-given capacity to feel love beyond comprehension. Love covers all.
Ok...I can see that I'm trying and possibly failing to describe how I feel about it all...I will just leave it at that.

To give a little update...Mahaela is doing great as far as her recovery from heart surgery. The medical bills are rolling in, but we met our deductible in January:) So now it's just interesting to see all the charges. So thankful for decent insurance.
Some things that have changed...spitting is a very rare thing, as well as scratching and slapping--almost never, really. She does have a good stomp and leg slap to let us know she is really mad, but she also wants to "I wanna sorry" very quickly. She does not push away my touch or hugs or kisses which is wonderful. She sleeps in our bed most nights...which has it's pros and cons. She frequently asks for a blanket! She is warm and cuddly and a great sleeper. She will sometimes wake when I get kids up in the morning for school, but I just tell her it's not time for her to get up and like a good Hauter kid...she goes back to sleep for a couple hours! Love that! But twice in the past several nights she has fallen out of bed at night or at nap and really hurt her knees. Last night she fell and I can't believe I didn't hear her fall or get back into our bed--which is high and difficult to do! I didn't hear her until she cried and cried about her knees which are already black and blue. She bruises terrible from the aspirin. Anyway, we might have to make it a point to put her back to sleep (when Bill is gone and she isn't sandwiched between us) in her crib. I would hate for her to knock her head on the side table.
Well, I've stepped away from the computer for several hours and this post is long enough. Just wanted to share what she just said in the car--as an update to her language acquisition. Ryan told her "Leka Nosht" (good night) in the car and she said "I'm not going to bed." Then he said "Ti si hubuva" (you're cute, pretty, beautiful--I actually just forgot what one it means) to which she said "I'm beautiful." Kind of interesting how her mind translates, considering she can no longer say anything fluent in Bulgarian, or she chooses not to.

Looking forward to getting into bed tonight with my little snuggle bug...Oh, I'm sure Lindsey will join us later!

Home and doing great!

Not a very good snapshot, but this is Mahaela all set free from tubes, wires, lines, etc. Here she is roaming the halls just before we left the hospital. She has been home a week and a half and hasn't missed a beat. She is playing outside, riding her trike, running around...everything but the trampoline!
We saw the nurse practitioner last Monday, because our surgeon had an emergency case. M. had a great chest xray. We dropped her lasix from 3 to 2 doses a day. We had blood work and chest xray again yesterday (Monday) and it was still all clear and her lab work looked better. I thought it might show some electrolytes off a bit because of the lasix, but things were actually better than before. She was getting a little sunken in around her eyes--that dehydrated look to her. We were able to drop her lasix down to just once a day now. There is something about meds that just make you feel like you have a chronic illness...and she does...It's just that before surgery she was on just a baby aspirin--not even a prescription to deal with.
Now she is on baby aspirin--for her lifetime, Enalapril (vasotec, a heart drug which we hope she is weaned from, but there is a debate about it's protective benefits), amoxicillin, lasix, prevacid (which I also stopped today). She is so good about taking them--doesn't like lasix.
I don't know if I mentioned in previous posts, but she does not have a spleen. So she needs a prophylactic antibiotic for a couple years or perhaps much longer. She also needs a few more vaccines when she has recovered. We had a very thorough infectious disease doctor consult with us while she was in the hospital. He was great and gave us many articles from the literature on tests to be done on internationally adopted children as well as how to handle asplenic children. She will just always be at high risk for getting the really bad bugs...the ones that are resistent to amoxicillin!
We saw the pediatrician last week also. He is impressed with how well she looks. We will see the surgeon one more time for him to clear us and then we will see the cardiologist in mid may for an echo and check up. From that point on, the cardiologist will manage her care.
We were able to all go to church on Easter Sunday, together. We all sat together. Mahaela is doing better at sitting and whispering, but she did get taken out 2 times...it was long, so that wasn't so bad. She saw her Sunday School teacher that she really connects with and got to give her hugs.
The crazy tale spin of end of school stuff is upon us. In just a month the pool will be open and it will be hot--it's hard to believe. Mahaela will be all healed up and ready to play in that pool that she doesn't even know is out back--I wonder what she thinks it is??
So, that's the latest, greatest news. Now we move on to the crazy, boring-to-anyone-else, lives that we live.

A great adoption story!

You have to read this adoption story. It will always be a favorite of mine for several reasons. I don't personally know Michelle, but she is a friend of my two nieces, I believe they graduated from high school together, but I don't think I ever verified that. I do know they all connect on some amazing Girl's Night Outs. Our church "launched" an Orphan Care Ministry named Called2Care with an evening event with guest speakers Kelly Putty from Ordinary Hero and Jami Kaeb who is just launching a ministry with Lifesong called The Forgotten Initiative (find it on facebook until their website is launched.) It was a great evening--hearts were touched, people were spurred to action, and God was glorified. We wanted God to have his way with the evening and we believe that He did. Michelle's story is an awesome example of what God can and did do. Adoption usually requires a lot of waiting, money, patience (at least International adoption), but it doesn't have to...I love Michelle's story because it shows what God can do with just a "Yes, Lord!"

So...my nieces invited Michelle to the event and she and her husband were able to come.

Here is her story. Warning: Goosebump inducing!! (and you might need a tissue!)

In case you can't click on the above link, go to her blog: www.michellesblog6@blogspot.com.

Read her entry for April 18th.
I have made links to Kelly and Jami's blogs. They are wonderful to read and are a great encouragement. You might want to put them on your blog list! (Not "might"--you absolutely do!)

We Are Home

Praise the Lord--we are HOME!

Our morning started at 5 am with a chest xray...as it has for the past 18 days! Her xray looked great. They usually take blood from her central line after that for lab work, but this am, they had trouble getting blood from the line. 3-4 nurses tried before they could get blood. The last nurse had to pull back on the line a bit (which is stitched to her skin) and that caused some screaming. By then we were all really awake! Her labs looked good also, so we knew it was GO TIME!

Bill worked in the Emergency Department last night, so he came up after his shift. Mahaela was cut free from everything, so she was practically roaming the halls. The doctors came in to see her around 8 am and all her paperwork was ready to go. We left the hospital about 9 am!

Such a great feeling to just be in our home, together...making messes!

(Grandmas took care of my kids and house for 2 1/2 weeks and there are no messes. We are home 3 hours and it is like a tornado blew through...I just don't have what it takes to keep it all together.)

To look at Mahaela, you wouldn't know anything has happened to her. She has energy--at least the energy to fight with her siblings. We are so glad that she has healed so well. As Bill said, it felt really good leaving the hospital. It wasn't the 7 days that we expected, but it could have been 7 weeks, or worse.

Thanks to so many for praying. We couldn't have made it without those prayers. We were completely held up.

Thank you, Jesus!

It's Friday, Friday..

Have you heard the Youtube song? Well, we're singing it here! It's gonna be a great day and tomorrow is Saturday!! Right now we are waiting to eat until the surgeon comes to see Mahaela. Her chest tube has pulled out far enough that they want to just remove it today--yes! It's at risk for just falling out which could be bad. It's no longer able to drain anyway in the position that it is in, so if she would start to accumulate fluid it would require another chest tube. Her chest xray looks great. So the plan is to remove the chest tube today, start eating, watch her, have a clear xray tomorrow, pull the central line and go HOME. I don't care what time we leave here tomorrow, but I would like us to all be in our OWN BEDS tomorrow night. This is day 18 in the ICU. We have received awesome care. We have had a great majority of the nurses, so we feel as though we know them a little and they all know Mahaela. We have said many times how different this would have been in the old ICU. This new Children's Hospital just opened last summer. It is a great facility that has been completely family friendly. The other unit didn't even have a bathroom for families to use--you had to walk out of the unit and use the waiting room bathrooms. You had to sleep sitting in a chair, that they say didn't even fit in the room, or sleep in the waiting room. Here, I have had a very accomodating home away from home. OSF St. Francis can be proud. While we were in Bulgaria, I had brochures and photos of this new facility. We had just toured it. I was able to show her orphanage and physician the great facility where Mahaela would receive her care. Pray with us that going home will be our reality tomorrow. God has blessed us with many good days of Mahaela feeling great and content, without pain. We are so thankful.

Almost to the end

Mahaela is making great strides. Her chest tube is no longer draining. She is regaining strength and coordination. A few days ago she was holding on to us very hard to walk and was a bit uncoordinated. She has much more agility now. She is just ready for them to cut her loose. Daddy did so much with her today that she zonked out sitting in the chair around 7pm. She went to the activity room twice, walked three times, sat on the sofa in the room about 2 hours and was just very active today. We are praying that Saturday we will get to go home.

God has been so merciful to us in caring for Mahaela and providing us with wonderful friends and family who have carried this burden with us. Thank you all for praying and helping in very tangible ways.

Baby Mahaela

One of Mahaela's caregivers must have been thinking about Mahaela today because she sent me 4 new photos. The above photo was taken on her 2nd birthday, I believe. We actually have several of her on her birthday, and this is the outfit she was wearing.

I think this photo is taken a bit earlier than 2 years, maybe 18 months? She seems like she is being a little bit supported and most children are not walking before 18 months. I believe Mahaela was 19 months. The caregiver is her favorie. She was the head of the nurses. I always have wondered how much of an active role she played in caring for Mahaela. She seems to be "hands-on" in this photo. Mahaela definitely remembers her a lot. About a month ago, Mahaela said her name in the store and got a bit excited when she thought she may have seen her. It was just a woman with similar hair. It was kind of sad to think that she still thinks about her and most probably misses her. I'm so glad for the fond memory that she has of her, but I hate the idea that she could be sad about it, deep down.

I know her caregivers are just hoping that Mahaela recovers quickly. I'm so happy that I am at her bedside. I know they would have loved her through it, but she needs a mommy and a daddy.

Well, since she is sleeping so soundly, I will take advantage and get some sleep also. Praying these next few days go by quickly.

What a difference a day can make

I think these videos capture what a great day Mahaela had in her recovery. Here she is getting ready to walk and telling us she wasn't going to cry (like she did the first time she walked a few days ago.) She was feeling so much better today. She sat in the chair for hours, walked the halls, rode her bike, and even had a poop (after suppositories and days of medication that finally worked). It was a good day.

Below: Mahaela ride's her new bike that Bill and the kids brought up for her last night. She was really excited to get to sit on it and ride it.

Called to Care Kickoff and Mahaela update

The above video is taken during the kick-off for my church's new orphan care ministry. Our ministry is named Called 2 Care. It was a great evening with Kelly Putty, founder of Ordinary Hero http://www.ordinaryhero.org/ out of Nashville. Also Jami Kaeb from Bloomington, IL was able to share her new ministry called The Forgotten Initiative--they are partnering with LifeSong. (Find the Forgotten Initiative on Facebook--the website will be up very shortly.) Bill and I were able to both be there thanks to grandma and grandpa babysitting Mahaela at the hospital. It was a really great evening. God is doing something amazing. Orphan's lives will be changed because of this evening. I know of two families who felt called to adopt and are saying yes because of this evening. I encourage you all to stir the pot at your churches with a ministry such as this. Thanks for continuing to pray for Mahaela. She is getting better, praise the Lord! Only 30ml out of the chest tube and her xray looks pretty good. We are doing everything the same for another day, before they starting weaning meds, introducing fluids/food.

Glimmer of Hope

This am Mahaela had a total of 90ml out of her chest tube for the previous 24 hours and a clearer xray. I am tentative, but encouraged. She had very little output throughout today. I am praying that this is officially a slow down in her drainage and not that her chest tube is plugging up again. If she has a good looking xray in the am and still very little drainage out, we may be on the road to fixing this problem and healing. They will then start to wean her off one of her medications and then feed her...all the while hoping that she does not begin to drain again. Praying Hard!!! She walked twice already today, and had much better strength and mobility. After very little sleep at all during the night (and no nap yesterday) and a grumpy attitude in the am, she perked up by mid morning and was happy girl. Thanks for praying and keep it up! Prayers are being answered.

Happy Girl

Today was a good day for Mahaela. Her mood took a 180 from what it has been the last few days. She has been extremely irritable, grumpy, not nice to anyone. She had been sleeping a lot also. Today she was wired! She was happy and animated and energetic. She had one of her meds removed today and that is the only thing I can attribute her mood swing to. For the first time since being in the hospital, she took not just one walk, but 3 walks! We have always wanted her to get up for her second walk, but something always sabotages it. Today, it worked out great. It really helped at change of shift that the day and night nurse both walked her together--that is one of the problems, it just takes 3-4 people to walk her with all her lines and monitors in tow. The third walk today was a fun one. The nurses have really gone above and beyond to make them fun for Mahaela and cheer her on. Yesterday her nurse gave suckers to other nurses sitting at their stations and as we made our way around, they would give her a sucker. Tonight was even better. We went on an Easter Egg hunt! The night nurse, Kim, had brought filled eggs and put them all around the unit to be found as we walked around. The picture above is a happy Mahaela opening her eggs--ring pops, and lots of bling-necklaces, bracelets, and rings. Kim gets an A+!!! OK...now for the downer...Mahaela's chest tube drained 260ml for the past 24 hours--more than any other 24 hour total. I don't understand why it is not slowing down. Her chest xray looked better this am, because what is accumulating in her lungs is draining out. The chest tube is not clogged and is working as it should. We just pray and hope that it will stop draining. M. is still NPO and is tolerating it amazingly well. She did catch Bill with butter on his face after eating a roll and completely examined his mouth and teeth, trying to figure out what he had gotten into...I think she was a bit jealous...oops!

Hospital Day 12??

I'm sorry to say, that today looked a lot like yesterday as far as healing is concerned. Her chest tube did not put out any drainage during the night. Dr. Fortuna flushed it, but was deliberate in leaving a bit of fluid still in her chest to avoid the tube being "sucked" into her chest wall. She tolerated getting the tube flushed very well. The tube drained throughout the day, which is good that it was evident that the clog was taken care of, but it continues to drain. I will be anxious to hear the 24 hour total in the morning. It's not slowing too much though. I have to say, I know prayers are working. Mahaela has been NPO for a few days and has only asked for food a couple times a day. She seems ok with our explanation and doesn't beg. So glad that God is taking care of her hunger and keeping her satisfied. She is also sleeping a lot and seems very content to just rest in bed. She has been taking one walk in the morning. I always want her to get in another walk, but it takes so much work and 3 people to walk her...it's just hard to squeeze it in again. God is showing his mercy to us and Mahaela. It seems that she could just be going crazy with hunger and laying in a bed, but she is calm, quiet, sleepy. God is good. I'm exhausted tonight...just an accumulation of the week, I guess. But I am completely refreshed by the blessing I received at an orphan care event at our church. So proud of my nieces and friends and faithful servants who contributed to a wonderful night. God be glorified. Children will come to Christ because of a seed that was planted in a person's heart tonight, I just know it.

Praying for Mercy

M. had a good night. Hadn't needed morphine since yesterday am. She slept alot yesterday. She had a pretty good night and walked this am. Her chest xray showed a build up of fluid again. Zero drained from the chest tube during the night. So they assumed it was clogged. They just flushed it and got 80ml back. That means she had little progress in the drainage decreasing. She had immediate pain when her chest was drained, so they put back a little fluid with some numbing/Marcaine to give her relief...it must have sucked the tube next to her pleural wall. Discouraged. I am praying for mercy for our little girl. She has done so well with not being able to eat or drink for 2 days now, but without success.

Signs of Progress

Mahaela's doctor was happy with the progress she seems to be making while not eating/drinking (NPO). She had less drainage out of the chest tube. He said we would continue the NPO for 3 days...I really don't know if that meant 3 more days or 3 days total. After that, we would then introduce liquids and food again, hoping that the tube would not have any increase in drainage. If the drainage doesn't increase after eating a normal, low fat diet, then they will pull the tube and she will go home. He explained it so matter of fact and simply. He said she could possibly go home in 5 days...do I believe him??? Not really. But God can do it. He can stop this drainage. I know he will and we will just gain what He wants us to learn in the waiting. M. had less pain today. She required morphine once in the night and once in the late morning. She has slept a lot today...so much so that I'm not sure what our night will look like. She walked just once today. I was hopeful a couple hours ago that we could walk again since she has had good naps, but about the time I said it, she was asleep again. I think the extra sleep has made it easier for us all to tolerate her not being able to eat. She has been very irritable and wanted little to do with me today. I don't blame her at all for feeling lousy and fed up with it all. We are praying for more progress tomorrow...and then the next day...and the next day...and the next day.

Getting Aggressive

Today was a day of little change. It was similar to yesterday in her activity, pain, chest tube output, and xray. Nothing is worse, but persistent. Our surgeon rounded this evening and we had a little consult with him explaining what the next approach would be. We worked really hard at being no/low fat the past few day. When I say low fat, I mean 1 gram of fat for the day. He told us this am to go no fat. I called the dietician. I didn't know the fat content of a few things and the menu has very few no fat options. The dietitian believed it nearly impossible. Cream of wheat has 0.25 fat grams per serving...and she only eats about 1/3 of it. The fruit cup has 0.28 fat. The fat free ranch dressing for her carrot sticks has 0.48 fat grams in the whole packet. Her drainage was on track to still be 200ml in 24 hours. Dr. Fortuna (our most awesome surgeon) said we need to keep her NPO=nothing by mouth for a day or more to get the fluids accumulation in her lung to stop. I think he planned on doing it tomorrow, but as we were talking we all decided to start her at that moment. She had a sucker in her hand and I asked who was going to take that from her... :( super sad face! He agreed, out of sheer sympathy to allow her to have suckers and ice chips. But even that will have its affect on her fluid production. Lymph drainage is a crazy, complex thing. So tonight began the begging for a drink and to eat. She asked for a drink and tomatoes! Tomatoes! We have spent days encouraging her to eat and now all we say is not now! This is going to be incredibly tough. I'm too exhausted to even think past tomorrow right now...if it works then "this" and if it doesn't, then "this." We are going to be in here a while. But Bill kept repeating, "we are going to get through this." And we will! This is a problem that is complicated to fix, but it is not life-threatening. For that we are so thankful. Bill knows all kinds of kids that have poor outcomes and he was just going over in his head all those bad scenarios and how that is not Mahaela's situation. We thank God! She is a strong little girl with a fighter, feisty personality. She will get through this. Thank you all for your prayers, encouragement, and scripture. We need it. I have ICU brain. There is much time, but my brain can't do much else than think about how she is doing. I feel completely distracted, scatter brained, unable to make decisions, just completely indecisive. I guess it's the effect of my focus being mostly on Mahaela or pulled to what I should/would/could be doing for my other kids. They are having to fight through all of this also and it's not easy for them. The night slips away quickly, so I am going to sleep...

It was a wind out of my sails kind of day!

Mahaela had an unpleasant day. She suffered with the pain of her chest tube. They sedated her this am to pull it out a few centimeters to see if the end of the tube would cause less irritation to her lung. It didn't seem to have any immediate effect. Her pain waxed and waned throughout the day and she required some good narcotics to give her brief periods of pain relief. She did walk today and that was a sight to behold--head bent sharply to her right shoulder because of the pain in that shoulder/chest and completely bent at the waist holding our hands as we walk backwards and she shuffles forward. It was pretty awful. For the last two days, she has sat in the chair quite a bit, but has only gotten in one walk each day. She should be walking more, but both days we all agree that she is just too exhausted to make the second walk. This afternoon, they injected her chest tube with numbing medication to see if that would relieve the pain. I'm not convinced that helped too much either. This evening they started her on an IV med (that she was also on after surgery) that has some analgesic and sedative properties. They say in small doses that it just takes the edge off without sedating them. At the dose she is at, she seems fairly sedated. It is now 12:30 am and she has been sleeping since 7 pm. She crashed immediately after eating and getting back into bed. She has been eating fairly well today. She is on a low/no fat diet. She is to eat as little fat as possible--1-5 grams/day. That is really difficult for anyone to do...let alone a child! It is difficult to eat enough calories with a no fat diet, so they started her on TPN through her IV. It is nutrition supplement, IV. There is something going on with her lung that is not that unheard of, but on the rarer side--Chylothorax. It is difficult to explain, but her lymph system in her chest has a duct that is clogged or traumatized from the surgery in some way and it is dumping this high fat drainage into her lung. That is why she had so much drainage last evening and throughout today. So they try to control it by giving Lasix to get rid of any extra fluids and limiting her intake of fat. She will be no fat for about 6 weeks. They hope these things together will make the drainage slow enough to pull the tube. I think her tube put out about 200+ ml of fluid this past day. At this flow rate, the tube must stay...and will stay until the drainage stops. Bill read that a range that these kids have chest tubes is 8-42 days...no one is speculating anymore. Our nurse today said she would be in the hospital another week, at least (at least!!!!). That's when I completely deflated! As Bill reminded me tonight that we have the tools to deal and cope with this. God has given us those tools and we are in for the long haul. The Lord is with us and holding us up and He is healing Mahaela in His time. Maybe we are here to share her story to a few more people. I love the opportunity to share more of the wonderful story of how God gave her to us and what a miracle she is in our lives. We are so blessed.

Praying for Healing

Tonight Mahaela cried out in pain as if she had been stabbed in the chest. Her chest tube had just started draining more in a few moments than it had drained in a few days total. It must have shifted where the chest tube was positioned in her chest. It was so sudden and severe. I had that completely helpless feeling. I couldn't take away her pain fast enough. She hadn't slept since very early in the morning, so she was exhausted. Once the pain subsided enough after Motrin, Benadryl, and a narcotic, she finally fell asleep. Grandma and Grandpa Kincaid were there and as mom said, it just confirms that she is still a little girl recovering from a major surgery--she is still sick. And that she still needs prayer. Earlier today she walked and rode her bike, so she did have great moments today. She started her day off with this same severe pain and we had to wait for the drugs to kick in. The unfortunate thing was that her chest xray looked worse than yesterday with more build up of fluid on the right side, so the chest tube did not get pulled. Now the tube is draining a lot and will most probably not get pulled tomorrow either. As her surgeon said today, she is acting like a Fontan patient (Fontan is the name of the procedure) and viewed as a Fontan patient and not on the fast track. In other words...these issues happen with Fontans and we shouldn't really expect different from Mahaela (although everyone was hopeful in the beginning that she was on the fast track to discharge, without complications.) Mahaela needs prayer for rest, tolerance for exercise, decreased drainage from chest tube and improved/normal chest xray. Her nurses are all so sweet. She is wowing them all with her personality...you just can't help but love her...I'm so proud of her and amazed by her ability to connect with so many people. As one of her nurses said, "You can't help but smile when you walk in her room."

Making Improvements

This is not the chubby little cherub face that I am used to seeing! (her hair has french braids that one of the nurses did for her. Reminds me of some hairdos that they would do in Bulgaria on her)

Mahaela is making some improvements. Her chest xray looked better this am, so she did not need another chest tube put into her left lung. The right one is barely draining, so we are hoping the worst of that problem is over. They will leave the chest tube for a couple days to make sure. She ate a bit today and took some fluids. We really tried to get her to drink and she did ok.

Everything else is looking good on her and they continue to wean her off the oxygen. She is still on the high flow nasal cannula, but they are decreasing it slowly. Tonight she is speaking and interacting with others more.

The kids visited tonight and Lindsey thought she looked scary. Aubrey thought she looked better than last night. We are praying that she does not develop any more lung issues and no infections. She wants to go home with the kids and ride her new big wheel that they bought her tonight. She's gonna love it.

Here she is getting her hair "washed" in the special shampoo cap. She didn't care for it too much!

A few photos from Thursday 3/31

Yep, her world is turned sideways for a little bit...

But soon she'll be back to squinty smiles! These were a couple photos from yesterday...she always attempts to flash a smile for the camera. She would not have been able to give this smile today. The kids couldn't believe how different she looks--definitely not our chunky-monkey girl! (and, by the way, I don't know why the photo turns or how to correct it??)

A Chest Tube

After about 36 hours of decline in Mahaela's breathing, they inserted a chest tube on her right side. She was just listless today. Nothing could make her smile or even talk. She was just exhausted and lousy feeling. I kept saying she just looked completely depressed.
After a good try with the lasix and getting a lot of fluid out of her, her xray looked even worse this am. So this afternoon she had a chest tube inserted that drained out 370 ml (1000 ml=1 liter). That is a lot of fluid in the right chest of a little girl!
She was sedated and had the tube inserted right at her bedside. She did ok, with one scary looking spell--blue, o2 sats in the 40s, not breathing, needed her airway opened, got bagged. It was quick, and she came around quickly. She is in such good hands, I just wasn't worried (yet.) Daddy was right there to help her and I was holding her foot, praying for my little sweetie. She woke up after a while with pain and was given morphine--a big dose, according to Bill. So she is still sleeping. Her breathing has slowed a lot--to near normal at the moment, and her o2 sat is up--but she is on high flow oxygen still. She had an echo earlier to make sure that none of her symptoms were cardiac related and it looked good.

We are praying that she continues to improve as she is able to get rid of this fluid around her right lung. I am praying that the left side improves or we will do the same again tomorrow with a left chest tube.
She is being amazing as far as being so patient and brave. She looks so sad which is just heartbreaking. She is very dehydrated (on purpose to get rid of fluids) which makes her eyes very sunken looking. Just a day ago she was all puffy, swollen face, with sausage fingers and toes.
I am so grateful for all our friends and family who are holding her up in prayer. One thing I know for sure is that Jesus is with her. Jesus has my little girl in His big, loving hands...and I am not afraid.

A Little Setback

Mahaela has had a day of difficulty breathing. It is one of the expected complications with the type of surgery that was done. M. has fluid in her lungs. Her lungs have to get used to this extra fluid load with her new re-route of circulation to her lungs. They are trying some diuretics to get the fluid off. She is on high flow oxygen to keep her oxygen level up. They will put in more drainage tubes tomorrow if the meds don't get rid of the extra fluid.
On a good note...she did sit up in the chair this am. She ate a great breakfast and was in a good mood. The doctors were playing jokes on people with a "fart" machine that is remote control. They hid it under her sheets when they saw daddy coming and then it tooted when he walked in the room. He was so happy congratulating M. for good toots. M. was blaming them on daddy. It went back and forth for 3-4 toots while we were all laughing and M. and daddy kept blaming each other...and it's not even April Fool's day yet!

By lunch M. was feeling lousy and we even made her walk in the hall. It was torture, she hated it, and cried the whole time. I bet she totally can't understand why she had to walk to nowhere and daddy wouldn't even pick her up. She was up much of the day and has been napping off and on since 3pm. She just looks depressed!
In spite of it all, she is being so sweet, giving smiles to visitors, and of course a few "I'm gonna getcha's" to the staff and family.

We keep praying for small improvements throughout the next day and beyond.

(By the way, she wants MOMMY to lay with her and she wants to be covered with the BLANKIE that I crocheted for her--this might be the turning point for me.)

The Lord's MERCIES are new every morning...I'm counting on it!

A Good Start to Mahaela's Recovery

Snuggle Bug

I really need to make this quick so I can get some rest. I wanted to post that Mahaela is recovering so well without any complications. She got some really good rest for most of the day, with a few fits sprinkled in. Bill snuggled with her a bit today...her favorite thing. This evening, I got to do the same, and loved it. She sucks her thumb and with her pinkie of the same hand, she likes to hook it around my pinkie--our little pinkie promise. So face to face we get a little sweet bonding time. We know she is doing good, but she looked "bad" today. Just the typical post-op swelling that makes you not looks your best. She did wake up a bit tonight...the most she has since the surgery, and was her chatty, cute self.

Below is a video of her beautiful HEART (view with discretion). It's a pretty unique thing to see your child's actual beating heart. We think this is pretty cool, I'm sure she will agree someday.

Thank you for continued prayers for a smooth recovery. Our kids at home are getting taken care of and that is such a relief for me. So thankful for family and friends. God has blessed us crazy good!

Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow!

Mahaela is resting, peaceful, perfect!

What an amazing day of answered prayers. I know hundreds of people were praying for our little girl and God was merciful to us. She has done so well. I know so many have bumps in their recovery, but everything is going crazy well for Mahaela today. I just wanted to give that update...details later. Pray for her as she wakes up...that is the tough part. Right now she is very comfortable and sedated. As she wakes up, she does not appear to have pain, but just irritation--especially because she is just so thirsty. She has "come to" just long enough to ask for a drink, suck on some swabs, get really mad and hold her breath because she just wants to gulp down a drink. Each episode brings with it breath holding and a big dip in her oxygen levels. At one point she hit the bed with her fist (the nurse said)...her personality and spunk just shine through. I am thankful tonight for her fight...and her simple need of just a drink of water! Tomorrow lines and drains will start to be removed...and she will get up to WALK. Oh my! That should produce some ATTITUDE!! Thanks for praying for our sweet girl. As Bill said, "What a journey this has been!"

It's a Go

Mahaela will have her surgery in the morning--8:30 start time. We saw the surgeon this afternoon so that he could clear her. We really felt like it could go either way. She still has an enlarged lymph node. We feel assured that her illness was bacterial -ear/throat. She did a course of the right antibiotic and has really not been ill lately. She just would complain of her neck and I believe possibly her throat hurting, but not since a day or two into the antibiotic. The thing with lymph nodes is that once they are that swollen, it can take several weeks to months to return to the normal size. The surgeon said he is much more concerned with upper respiratory viruses that can cause lung problems after surgery. He felt good about doing her case tomorrow and that's what we wanted to hear. Mahaela then went for her EKG and chest xray. She is familiar with the hospital as we have been several times now, but she has no clue of what tomorrow will bring. Ignorance is bliss. But I feel like we are tricking her...I would hate to wake up to...well...what she will wake up to! As I write this, she is riding her trike in the driveway as the boys and dad play catch. It's cold, but the sun is shining. We are hoping to be home in 5-7 days. Wouldn't it be nice to have some warm, sunny days for Mahaela to enjoy while she is recovering! Thank you in advance for your prayers. Bill told Dr. Fortuna that many will be praying for him tomorrow. We are happy to just get on with it, but now...my sweet little girl...

Hope for Surgery is Fading

I know it sounds completely selfish, but I really want Mahaela to have her surgery on Tuesday. It just felt like the best time. It is about the least disruptive week to have the surgery...of the whole year it feels like. I know, an exaggeration, but not a huge one. Anxiety builds for me when I have to consider how things will work out for the other kids. I just don't have any anxiety over next week. I'm concerned for Mahaela, but not anxious. I really just desire for her surgery to be in the past...not hanging over our heads. But our hopes are fading. Mahaela needs a miracle for her lymph node to recede/soften back to normal and even then, I feel as though they may cancel it just due to her having this recent infection. It's all for a reason.
If it is cancelled then it is a huge question mark of when we will reschedule it--2 weeks or 5 months??

On a happy note...she is a little dolly sleeping next to me as I type this. She is having fun with her cousins in Colorado. She has been sleeping with us a lot lately and always asks to sleep in our bed...Bill caves. We love just talking about her and loving on her while she sleeps so sweetly. She is a sweet blessing.

Praying for God's Timing

We have our timing and our timeline and then God does what He wills...which is Always BEST!
Mahaela had a "minor" ear infection and started amoxicillin a week ago. The problem is she had a very large lymph node on her right side neck, the same side as ear infection. It seemed to make sense, but it was so large that Bill said to have her pediatrician check it again. Last Thursday her doctor checked her and threw out his suspicion of Mono??!! So, Thursday, Mahaela had blood work drawn. Did I say already that it took 6 sticks? It was just awful.
Her first blood test came back Saturday morning and it was positive for mycoplasma pneumonia, which is the name of a common bacterial infection that causes ear infections. But amoxicillin does not cover this bacteria well, so we switched her to zythromax--once a day for 5 days--love it. We have been waiting for cytomegalovirus and epstein barr virus ( which causes mono). They both came back negative. We are thankful. So we are just treating the ear infection. The lymph node is just a result of the infection--drainage from the ear and throat--oh, yeah, she had tonsillitis, too. But the upshot is that this lymph node is large and impressive. We have arranged to see the surgeon the day before her surgery to have a final check and for him to clear her for surgery. He may cancel it on account of this large lymph node. It is smaller today, but it is so firm and solid that it seems it may take weeks for it to really go back to normal. There was some mix up with the surgeon's office and they called today to see if we were coming in. We are on vacation in Colorado this week. We intended for the appt. to be the day before her surgery. If he clears her she will then go to get an EKG and chest xray. Those would be a waste if he cancels her surgery. So, I believe we will still go next Monday to have a check. We feel he may very likely postpone her surgery. It seems so uncertain to not know until the afternoon before if it will really happen or not. We are praying she is remarkably recovered. Anything short of that, and we know it is best to postpone the surgery. Selfishly, I pray it still happens as it is one of the least disruptive times for our family to have it done.
We covet your prayers for wisdom for us and our physician.
In the meantime, we are enjoying time in Colorado with family and cousins. We are so thankful for these good times that we and our kids can enjoy.

Called2Care Orphan Event

Kelly Putty from Ordinary Hero Foundation (www.orndinaryhero.org) will be speaking at our church's orphan care ministry kick-off. Our new ministry is named Called to Care.
We can all make a difference. We can all do something--what will your "thing" be?? It just takes one to change the life of one! Who will be your one?
The kick-off event will be April 9th at 6 pm at Cornerstone Baptist in Morton, IL. All are welcome. You will be challenged to make a difference in your community, in the world, in the life of a child.

Start with a pair of shoes. Imagine what child will fill them. Pray for them.

go to http://www.cbcmorton.org/ and click on special events for more information.

Photo Session for Mahaela

I am thrilled that I actually got this done...They were photographs taken outside, so the weather needed to be decent. So Tuesday was supposed to be the day, but it was very dreary and wet out. So we rescheduled for this am. It was a beautiful, sunny day, and not yet windy. My friend (and a great photographer), Joy, took Mahaela's photos. The best thing is we get a little sneak peek! I was a bit worried, because M. wasn't in a super great mood this am. I think she has an ear/lymph node that is bothering her and she was kind of whimpering with pain. Thankfully, the Tylenol kicked in by the time we were ready to take some pictures and she did great.

Check them out on this blog www.vintageblu.blogspot.com. Check out the dolly posted on 3/17. That is Mahaela, of course! Joy did a great job capturing her sweetness.

That's all good news...the bad news is Mahaela has some kind of infection?? We are hoping it is just viral or just an ear infection and will resolve quickly. But, she is having her blood drawn for Strep, Mono, Cytomegalovirus. I am hoping it all comes back negative. After her doctor told me what he was suspicious of, I asked about her surgery...he just wrinkled his nose. I know what that means. But, I will wait for results before jumping to conclusions. Praying that it is nothing that would require her surgery to be cancelled.

Tomorrow, Mahaela has all her preop testing done. EKG, chest xray, lots of blood, and some nose swabs. Also, the surgeon's nurse practitioner wants to do a history and physical. I think I may try to go up there first. I have slight thoughts of her surgery being cancelled and all these tests being a waste. I just want everything to go my way :)

Two Week Countdown until Surgery

Mahaela will have open heart surgery 2 weeks from today. Our goal is to help her stay healthy until her surgery...how exactly that is done, I have know idea. But right now, she has an ear infection and started Amoxicillin today. See--what could we do about that??. She is doing so well, otherwise. We will leave for Colorado/spring break sometime this weekend. We are looking forward to enjoying Bill's sis and her family and Colorado skiing and scenery.
This week feels so crazy busy. Aubrey told me that it helps to write lists (thanks, dear), so she wrote me out a to-do list. I guess it will help because I can barely remember what is happening each day...and there is a lot happening. Like just now I'm remembering that I have a hair appointment tomorrow and it is NOT on the list!
We covet your prayers that her ears heal and she stays well, otherwise. We also covet your prayers for her surgery.

Who Can Adopt??

Sorry for this long post...as so many of my posts seem to be. I didn't intend to ramble or hop up on my soapbox...but...

Before March, 2009, I knew nothing about adoption or that it would be any part of my life. On February 28, 2009, I read a post from a friend that was posted on Feb 22, 2009. It was her announcement that their family was beginning the process of adopting a little boy from Ethiopia. We were acquaintances--our kids go to the same school. I don't recall ever considering adoption before that very moment. I am still really amazed by how the seed was planted and how quickly it grew in my heart. I sat looking at this post and asked "who can adopt?" It was a question that was completely wrapped in all the excuses and reasons why we and most other people don't adopt. I believed financial to be the biggest, occasionally superficial, reason why most people say they can't see adopting. But I was reading about this family employed by a Christian school, single income, 3 kids--they were adopting! That was my answer. Having never even really considered adoption, so never really making an excuse not to adopt, suddenly it was before me...shouldn't we be adopting and what reason do I really have not to adopt? If this family (completely awesome...you know who you are and I thank God for you) could adopt, why couldn't/shouldn't we?

So if money doesn't stop you from adopting...what does? If you have the money to adopt or had the faith to believe that it would be provided, what stops people from adopting? There are many legitimate reasons not to adopt. Just as God gives you children to birth, He must give you the heart to adopt. If he doesn't, you shouldn't. I don't stand in judgment of others. I just know for us, I am so happy that we have Mahaela. (It is sort of like having an argument over how many children to have...if you would have another child, then you would know that you were meant to have another child. Consider the last child you have...should you have stopped before you had them? I can't imagine not having Lindsey. Now I can't imagine not having Mahaela.) I also know that so many others would experience the same joy and blessing that we have experienced if they would step out...just start down the road and see what doors open and what doors close. Trust God that He has a little soul that you will completely wrap your heart around...God can grow your heart big enough!

Now, if everyone could read this and not just the 15 followers that I have--half of which have already adopted. LOL!

Ok...all that to say...It was two years ago this month that I felt led to check out what adoption was all about and how to go about doing it. I did crazy research on the internet...looking on-line for hours investigating everything about it. It was 2 years ago that I had lunch with Bill at Buffalo Wild Wings while Lindsey was in preschool, and he said he wanted to talk to me about something...gulp. He said, "I think we should adopt." I immediately couldn't believe he was convinced of it, and immediately felt all the inadequacies of my mothering pour down on me. The tears came. I had submitted enough children to my mothering...did I need to be bringing another one into my craziness? He didn't want to hear anything about it..."you're a good mom."
I know the truth, but from that moment, I sucked it up and put my nose to the grindstone. I might add that my life wasn't settled and in order and the time felt right. It was far from it. This call to adopt came really right in the middle of what seemed like some messy stuff. I think I really appreciated the distraction from some of the negatives going on in my life.
I was on a mission. With God's help, I was going to find the child that belonged in our family. Even one year ago, we still had no idea that it was a little girl they called "Misha."

A few things about Mahaela:

She does not care for blankets and will often remind us, "No blankie."

She has a very active saliva gland. You know how occasionally you will spray saliva out from under your tongue or you will see someone do it? Like your saliva gland gets pinched? Well, Mahaela does it about 3 times a week. Strange and unique.

Thanks for Reading

I agree with most bloggers...I blog to record events, journal my thoughts. If nobody reads...I'll never know it and I'll keep blogging just for me. But I have to say, for those of you who read something and then send encouragement my way...I truly appreciate it. I appreciate the kind words, the prayers, the "I get what you're saying" remarks. The one thing that I miss about blogging is the dialog. So I wanted to take a moment to thank those who have made comments all along our journey. They are appreciated.

Hugs to you all!

"Ya, she's adopted"

Aubrey asked me the other day, "When will we stop thinking about adoption when we think of Mahaela?" I totally get what she means. Like she said, "I think about adoption all the time."
Well, I don't know when that happens, but for now, Mahaela and her adoption go hand in hand. It has nothing to do with being proud about adopting and wanting everyone to know it--nothing like that. It's kind of like having a newborn...everyone is aware that the baby is a newborn...and they can imagine the experience you have been through to have a newborn. But, no one knows Mahaela is adopted...she looks like she belongs to us. When she says cute things to people in her low voice in adorable English, I just want to tell them...she was "fluent" in Bulgarian just a couple months ago! When she pushes the cash register buttons at the jewelry store and the lady gives her a "lecture" (probably more for my benefit than Mahaela's), I just want to tell her, "we have a lot of training to catch up on...she's never walked down a city sidewalk, into a jewelry store and had a cash register waiting at her height, for her to push all the buttons on--she's adopted from Bulgaria."
Her adoption is such a profound, permeating experience...I don't know when the uniqueness of it will wear off.
What I do know is that I don't want Mahaela to have the label of "the adopted sister" or "their adopted daughter." That will get old, really quickly. I understand that it is the easiest way to tell our story, but I don't want Mahaela to grow up feeling less a part of our family or less of a Hauter! We won't think that, but it does play on young minds. I don't want to have to convince her how much she belongs, I just want her to know it and to feel it, because it's TRUE.

Things about Mahaela:

(a new list I am going to add to as I think of things that describe Mahaela)

She slaps her hands together at us when she is mad...like she has seen her nannies do it a lot.
She barely has eyelashes
She loves her daddy
She loves the water, bath, shower. She will spray the shower sprayer right into her face--and likes it!
She always requests "let it shine" while circling her finger="this little light of mine" when I sing to her at night