Mahaela as a baby
This is a long post, but I have a long story to share.
I have no real excuse (as to why my last post was 3 months ago--yikes)...except life gets in the way! I know my last entry was before Christmas, but even in the new year, there just isn't enough time for me to keep up with everything, including blogging. If I'm blogging, be assured that something else in my life or house is falling apart (and for sure there are dirty dishes in the sink!)
I re-read the previous post I made and watched the Gotcha Day videos again. I am even more touched by them now than I was a few months ago...and there's a reason for that...Let me tell you about it.
This story starts back several weeks ago. I received a Facebook friend request from the head nurse (Toncheva, as M. calls her) at Mahaela's orphanage. I accepted it. She doesn't speak much English, but I knew she would appreciate seeing pictures, and someone may help her translate as well. That night, Bill said something while thumbing through his Facebook about "M. Toncheva" requesting to be friends with him. He accepted the friend request and then also mentioned another name that I wasn't familiar with...but it piqued my interest. When he said the name, I recalled getting the same request, but many weeks prior. I not only didn't accept the request, I deleted it completely. When he said the name, I immediately went to Facebook to look it up. It seemed to be a Bulgarian name. When I pulled up the name, various profiles popped up. One of the profiles had this:
a photo of Mahaela as her profile picture!!!
My chin hit the floor. I didn't recognize this lady, but after she accepted my friend request, I looked through her friend list and saw a handful of faces that I did recognized as caregivers. I asked her if it was Mahaela in her profile picture (there was no question) and if we had met before. That was the beginning of some wonderful dialog and a friendship that I will cherish. That's how I met Petia.
Petia is the daughter of one of Mahaela's caregivers. Petia no longer lives in the town of Mahaela's orphanage, but she would go "home" to visit on weekends and holidays and would talk to her mom and Mahaela very often. She said M. would get on the phone and say "Good morning, Pete."
I asked if I could share some of our conversations on this blog...she doesn't mind, so I will share. I didn't want Petia to feel that I was just posting our private conversations, but it just reveals so much to me about Mahaela's three years before we knew her. So with Petia's permission, I want to share some of her words. Some are direct quotes as she wrote them...she knows English very well, but some phrases were a bit "off." Many of them I will leave as she wrote them, because I can just "hear" her saying it that way.
Petia:
"I will tell you everything I know about her while she was with us...just ask. Please kiss her from all of us."
"I want and not just me (all of my family and caregivers) to say THANK YOU, that you loved her so much. Every day I thank God for everything you have done and will do for her and pray whole family is healthy and happy!
Petia knew M. from the time she was a baby..."she was probably a month when I saw her for the first time. We were with my dad and my sister and mom showed her to us...believe me, Shelley, that was one of the most emotional moments in my life. Dad wanted to hold her and she wept, from inability to catch her breath, her face was blue:( then we fall in love to this small kid:)"
My mind just pictures my tiny Mahaela at one month old...brown eyes, soft wavy hair, distinct little nose, fresh scars on her chest. She would have been blue when she cried due to her heart defect. She went to the hospital in Sofia just after her birth and had surgery within her first week. She came to the orphanage in her birth town after being in the hospital about 4 weeks.
"All we were very devoted to her...because she was our "SUNNY GIRL."
I love that-- "sunny girl."
"It was very difficult when she went . At the beginning of each day we waited for information- how is she, is she crying, how was she adapting at home...everything about what a parent thinks for their own children. Now it is a little easier...but we did not forget:)"
I had always imagined what it was like for them when M. left and what it was like for my 3 year old. But hearing these words, I could really feel the pain of their loss.
"I am glad that our small and brave child is happy, healthy and surrounded by love with you."
Brave...I've heard that a lot. The way she left was only due to the fact that they had given her the courage to leave...to be brave.
I asked Petia so many questions...some trivial, but things that I often wondered about...things that we had already made up answers about in our minds--many of our answers being inaccurate.
Little facts: Mahaela was taken to the hospital for her surgeries and for other procedures and illnesses, but no one was able to stay with her. I understand why, but it breaks my heart to think of her alone in a hospital crib for days...I like to believe that she had awesome nurses who loved on her and gave her great care.
I asked Petia if it seemed that they became so attached to M. because she was sick. "In the orphanage, it has happened to watch a sick child, but it was something special in her and she just took us mind at a glance." I LOVE that..."mind at a glance." I think it's a phrase like "she stole our hearts." The kind of phrase that doesn't translate literally, but I completely get it. I get it because she also "took us mind at a glance."
Petia described what it was like when she left. She described how her dad saw us in the car as we turned the corner and left Haskovo. I haven't confirmed it, but I believe he is the man sitting in the car on the day M. left. M. approached the car as if she was familiar with him, but he said something...maybe "ciao" and directed her to the car we were leaving in.
I could not have been as strong as they were...in fact, they were all very brave when she left. I was the one crying!
She said not just the caregivers fell in love with M., but "the members of their families as much fell in love with this child. For all of us it was hard to say "no" when she asked or prayed (begged) for something:)"
"Actually, I can not explain how we felt when you left...a part of us just gone. But all know that you are the best choice for her, because you loved her so much..."
She described Mahaela like this: "she's just a charismatic child and anyone who see her fall in love!"
I can't say enough how precious these words are to me (and who doesn't love to hear great things about their child.) I'm so grateful for every bit of information and photos we have been given. Petia sent us some photos of M. as an infant and her first birthday celebration. It just helps to fill in holes...a window to a time that we can never fully know.
I have thought so much of how attached Mahaela was with her caregivers and how attached they were with her. It is the best gift given to us and Mahaela. It created the framework in her heart that allows us to bond and attach to Mahaela as much as we have. That can't be replaced. I do realize that this is not the norm in adoption. It is not what we expected Mahaela's story to be coming from an Eastern European orphanage. But, it is her story. I'm not naive enough to think that this care will erase all the questions she will have in the future or her possible feelings of abandonment as she learns her story, but her experience in the orphanage gave her the best possible launch.
"Mahaela deserves to be loved and make people around her glad with her smile and energy."...and she does make us "glad"...for so many reasons, she makes us "GLAD."
15 months home today and still so much to be thankful for. All praise and thanks to my Father in heaven who has blessed us with more than we could have asked or thought.
And that's the end to my long post...
Thank you Petia and all of the special caregivers in Mahaela's life
