5 Months Home

It's been an awesome 5 months. To be honest, my brain can't find words right now, so I can't wax eloquent about our journey together. All I can say is that I feel completely blessed. I wanted to be willing to do the "hard" thing for Jesus who has done the impossible thing for me. But in the end...I have just been blessed. We have been given a prize!
Bill asked the kids the other night what they thought of how the adoption went or how it was going. The kids just oozed at how great Mahaela is and how much they love her and how much she fits in with our family. We all feel like we cheated the system. It was pretty cute how they just couldn't get over how it has all worked out. It really is an amazing thing that happens when you think of the child you could "get" and you realize that it doesn't matter what child it is or what difficulties come with them...it is simply YOUR child. It's so difficult for me explain. Maybe someday the words will come better than they are today. I was trying to explain to someone how we looked at all these special needs and talked ourselves into some. The conversation in your head, to be blunt, is "I don't really want a child who has _____ or can't _____." No one "wants" an unhealthy child or a child who will face difficulties in life or who will be made fun of or who may die young or....We all pray for healthy children to be born. But somewhere in the decision to choose a special needs child the conversation switches to "that's my child who has ____ and yes I can, will, and still love them!" Bill and I have commented several times on a message board post from a mom describing her adopted son...he sounded simply awful and she gave a great description of how awful he was. But the very next sentence had a beautiful description of her child--a picture of how connected they were and how much she loved him! Could it really be the same child?? At the same time that we have the capacity to be disappointed, dislike, hate (yes, gotta be real...I do hate some things the kids do or how they act. Hate is a strong word--so replace with dislike very much or detest if that makes it easier to swallow!) things about our children...we have all been given this amazing, God-given capacity to feel love beyond comprehension. Love covers all.
Ok...I can see that I'm trying and possibly failing to describe how I feel about it all...I will just leave it at that.

To give a little update...Mahaela is doing great as far as her recovery from heart surgery. The medical bills are rolling in, but we met our deductible in January:) So now it's just interesting to see all the charges. So thankful for decent insurance.
Some things that have changed...spitting is a very rare thing, as well as scratching and slapping--almost never, really. She does have a good stomp and leg slap to let us know she is really mad, but she also wants to "I wanna sorry" very quickly. She does not push away my touch or hugs or kisses which is wonderful. She sleeps in our bed most nights...which has it's pros and cons. She frequently asks for a blanket! She is warm and cuddly and a great sleeper. She will sometimes wake when I get kids up in the morning for school, but I just tell her it's not time for her to get up and like a good Hauter kid...she goes back to sleep for a couple hours! Love that! But twice in the past several nights she has fallen out of bed at night or at nap and really hurt her knees. Last night she fell and I can't believe I didn't hear her fall or get back into our bed--which is high and difficult to do! I didn't hear her until she cried and cried about her knees which are already black and blue. She bruises terrible from the aspirin. Anyway, we might have to make it a point to put her back to sleep (when Bill is gone and she isn't sandwiched between us) in her crib. I would hate for her to knock her head on the side table.
Well, I've stepped away from the computer for several hours and this post is long enough. Just wanted to share what she just said in the car--as an update to her language acquisition. Ryan told her "Leka Nosht" (good night) in the car and she said "I'm not going to bed." Then he said "Ti si hubuva" (you're cute, pretty, beautiful--I actually just forgot what one it means) to which she said "I'm beautiful." Kind of interesting how her mind translates, considering she can no longer say anything fluent in Bulgarian, or she chooses not to.

Looking forward to getting into bed tonight with my little snuggle bug...Oh, I'm sure Lindsey will join us later!