Well, I don't know when that happens, but for now, Mahaela and her adoption go hand in hand. It has nothing to do with being proud about adopting and wanting everyone to know it--nothing like that. It's kind of like having a newborn...everyone is aware that the baby is a newborn...and they can imagine the experience you have been through to have a newborn. But, no one knows Mahaela is adopted...she looks like she belongs to us. When she says cute things to people in her low voice in adorable English, I just want to tell them...she was "fluent" in Bulgarian just a couple months ago! When she pushes the cash register buttons at the jewelry store and the lady gives her a "lecture" (probably more for my benefit than Mahaela's), I just want to tell her, "we have a lot of training to catch up on...she's never walked down a city sidewalk, into a jewelry store and had a cash register waiting at her height, for her to push all the buttons on--she's adopted from Bulgaria."
Her adoption is such a profound, permeating experience...I don't know when the uniqueness of it will wear off.
What I do know is that I don't want Mahaela to have the label of "the adopted sister" or "their adopted daughter." That will get old, really quickly. I understand that it is the easiest way to tell our story, but I don't want Mahaela to grow up feeling less a part of our family or less of a Hauter! We won't think that, but it does play on young minds. I don't want to have to convince her how much she belongs, I just want her to know it and to feel it, because it's TRUE.
Things about Mahaela:
(a new list I am going to add to as I think of things that describe Mahaela)
She slaps her hands together at us when she is mad...like she has seen her nannies do it a lot.She barely has eyelashes
She loves her daddy
She loves the water, bath, shower. She will spray the shower sprayer right into her face--and likes it!
She always requests "let it shine" while circling her finger="this little light of mine" when I sing to her at night
5 comments:
I have heard of other internationally adopted children enjoying the shower sprayer right in the face. I think it's either something they were used to at the orphanage or it's an exciting sensory experience for children who were at least somewhat sensory deprived in their institutional years. Maybe both, who knows?
Very sweet things about Maheala. And I really enjoyed this blog entry. I have been thinking about this topic, we have children's books to read to Calvin about belonging, adoption etc, and I think do we really need to be discussing the fact he is adopted with him all the time? I don't want to ignore that fact but don't want it to be his only identity. Same with behavior in public, I think it is just a pride thing for us wanting people not to think less of us if our kids are acting up in public. OH well! Thanks for sharing.
Totally know what you mean. Andrew looks like us so much so that I'm asked all the time if my boys are twins. I then tell them they are 10 months apart. You should see the looks I get. Anyway, we don't want him to think of himself as different. We plan on talking about his adoption always, but we don't want it to be his identity either, especially when we introduce him or talk to others. I can completely relate to the store clerks. I have all 5 with me and he'll be the only one to grab something he shouldn't. Then the clerk tells him what he is doing wrong. He knows a good bit of English now, but not usually enough to understand them. I sit there thinking, if you only knew how well he is doing.
One of your best posts yet. Oh aubs......such an awesome big sister. So neat to watch all this unfold....people just need to be around your family for a day to erase the question...."is it possible to love an 'adopted' child as your own". Love you guys
Awe... so sweet, thanks for the update. And I don't really think of Elina and immediately associate adoption. It started falling off after about 6-9 months... it is brought up still because of having only one child before and now having a child older than Connor. I found I shared that she was adopted... because I was so proud of how quickly that she learned English. Also, I really reinforced that she was special because both God and I chose her to be my daughter.... she asked once... "You could have picked any of the children in my baby hospital??? Wow!! I am special... " I think it is good to be casual about it... which is what we are now... if it comes up we all talk about it. I frequently laugh and when she says something funny... I say "Where in the world did I find you?" And she will holler "I BULGARIA silly!" LOL...
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