All is Well

We have been with Mahaela two weeks today, and home for just over a week. Everything is still going very well. She is delightful. Someone commented today that she seemed very happy and just has a sparkle in her eye. I couldn't agree more. We had a good day as a family on Saturday. Bill made two comments over the weekend that just made my heart soar. He said, "she's really beautiful." It was the kind of remark you make after you get to know someone, even their "ugly" side and still think they are beautiful. Bill and the kids came to the conclusion that she looks like a Hobbit--maybe Frodo. I'm sure they mean it in the best possible way! She really has a personality that has just roped us all in. She gives a big English "Hi" when someone comes to see her. Adorable--especially since what she really wants to say is "Zdraveytey."

The other thing Bill said is that he is falling in love with her. I compare it to being pregnant with my other kids--you know you love them, even before you really know them, but then to know them is to fall in love with them in a completely different and deeper way. I thought it was so sweet when he said out loud what we were both thinking.

Today, we had to run around to get Aubrey for an Orthodontist appt. and then we went to Target while we waited for kids to get out of school. It meant a lot of time in the car and no nap. She does so well and seems flexible which is a real blessing as that is just how our lives must run. One thing that has been a surprise to me is that nothing seems to be shocking to her. I know there must be so many new things that she is experiencing, but nothing to this point seems to be overwhelming. The shopping cart had to be new for her. Besides not knowing exactly what I was trying to do with her legs, she eventually sat down and acted like it was a great new ride she was on. She doesn't ever seems to be intimidated by anything. She even saw Santa today. I'm sure I'm breaking all kinds of rules...we are just living life, what can I say?

As an update on her health, she is on an antibiotic for the ear infections, and has the diarrhea to go with it. Oh, and she now takes her meds great--and anything else she can drink from a syringe! We still need to get her blood drawn. We were to have a cardiology appt. on Thursday, but I postponed it until next year! I know that once that ball starts rolling, it will be hard to slow it down. They need a chest xray before the appt. We have spoken to the surgeon and he is really leaving it to our judgment. He has given us confidence that if she looks good, she is good for now and we can take our time with this. Also, she needs to have a dental exam. They absolutely want all her dental care taken care of before any surgery is needed. Maybe you are familiar with people who have valve issues or other even minor heart conditions (defects) that take an antibiotic before they go to the dentist. It is because bacteria that can enter through gum/oral trauma have a way of infecting the heart. The doctor at her Embassy appt. thought she had cavities, but I wonder if she just ate something before the exam?? I don't see anything unusual, but I haven't gotten a great look, either. If she has significant dental work, she may need to go under general anesthesia to have it taken care of. So, between blood work, chest xray, dental exam, dental work, we are a ways from being at the point of getting a heart cath done. So Jan. 13 will be our appt with the cardiologist.

Now, here is the reality check...I am not her favorite right now. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself. I know this will get better, but it still kind of stinks. Around others, she will choose to let others help her, instead of me. As an example, she was taking off her coat and I was helping her arms out and she pulled her arm away from me and offered it to my best friend. My friend is aware of how she is acting, besides it being very blatant at that moment and she just encouraged Mahaela to let her mommy help her. She seems even hypersensitive to my touch. I can just tell that I am pushing my luck by even holding her or touching her back. She will pull away or push my hand away or smack my hands. I think I forgot to mention on the blog that she spit at me with gusto at the airport in Sofia--just an example of what had been going on the first week and was yet to come. Bill tries to encourage me...he thinks in a couple weeks that she won't let me out of her sight. Aubrey thinks it's so sad. Tonight when she was so mean to me...I had to say out loud..."And for this child I prayed." We just laughed as I was joking, but, oh, the irony! Everyone tries to encourage her to go to me and let me have hugs and kisses. It's not working, yet. Tonight, Mahaela had a rough bedtime. She never really got to sleep. She was dreaming, fitful, and crying. I covered her with a blanket and she really got mad. Bill got home around 10:30 and went in to help her. I had already been in her room about a half hour before and put out my arms to hold her as she was crying. She didn't want anything to do with me. I'm not sure what it is, but it's not so fun. When I am alone with her, she is a little better, but I also don't really push it as I don't want the constant negative reaction. I am just praying that she will begin to allow me to be physically close to her. I'm especially concerned that she be completely ok with me before her surgery. I will be the one who will be with her most of the time. She won't have the luxury of going to Bill or anyone else. The whole thing is a mystery to me and I hope it passes quickly. That's just my little dose of reality...

3 years ago today, she left the hospital and entered the children's home. The nurses all remember the day and date that she came. It must have been a little scary for them to be caring for such a fragile, new, sick child. They did such a good job with her. Putting her socks on yesterday, I noticed all the little pinpoint scars on her feet from the IVs and needle sticks from when she was a baby, having surgeries. It made me sad for her. I wish I could have been there, but I'm thankful that some loving nurses got her through that time.

Just my rambling thoughts, tonight...