2 Year Anniversary of Adoption Referral

Mahaela as the flower girl in cousin Meggie's wedding

Just over 2 years ago we received a referral for this sweet, full of personality, little girl.  (See the photo just to the right of this blog entry.)
I will NEVER forget that day, that moment, that feeling.  I asked, "Are you sure it's for us??"

In that phone call, I heard the words from my adoption coordinator, "I'm looking at a beautiful little girl."  It's a girl. 

The picture in my head, of a little Roma boy, had just been blurred.

Bill and I held Mahaela on the anniversary of her referral and told her things that she will never understand...words of gratitude for the gift we have been given.  I told Bill, "it wasn't supposed to happen like that, it wasn't supposed to be like this."  In my mind, we were supposed to choose our child from a waiting child list.  We were supposed to have a child that was older--we had changed our homestudy to reflect that decision.  The updated USCIS supplement 3 was in the car--we were on our way to the post office to mail it in, the check already written.  God had a different plan...and isn't His plan always better?  THE BEST!!

It's not supposed to be like this...it doesn't seem humanly possible to love and be loved in this way.  It was going to be so much harder in my mind.  The reality is, that sometimes it is harder.  Sometimes it is the hardest thing a family will go through.  For our family, it has not been the case.  I know it is only through God's grace and blessing.  I believe our hard time is yet to come...I don't wish for it, but I'm willing to endure it for the sake of knowing and loving Mahaela.  Regardless of current or future difficulty or pain, Mahaela has been pure blessing in our lives. 

Not a day goes by that I don't think about Mahaela being adopted.  When I look at her brown eyes, they are not mine, when I look at her little bottom in a swim suit, she doesn't have the same shape as my other girls.  Her toes and fingers are unique.  Just subtle things that remind me that she is not from our gene pool.  But then I hear..."she looks so much like you."  And at the same time I say to myself..."I think so, too." 

The past two years have been an amazing journey.  Our cup overfloweth! 

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think...to Him be glory...!  Eph 3:20-21

Some thoughts and updates...(since it has been over 2 months since I last made an entry!)

Mahaela had a great check up with her cardiologist in March.  We will see him yearly from here on out.  Her echo and heart function looked great.  As her doctor said, "She looks fantastic."

Mahaela had pneumonia on Easter...She had been sick for a few days and by Tuesday we took her in.  We could hear some crackles in her lungs, more rapid respirations, and poor color in her fingers.  We would have just treated her either way, but then we wanted to make sure that it wasn't an effusion issue as she had after her surgery.  (I say we...meaning Bill and her pediatrician.)  Xray showed pneumonia, mild, no effusion. 

Aubrey made all conference honorable mention in Softball as a freshmen-- one of three freshman out of the 30 girls  listed for the teams. Proud of her and love it that she enjoys the sport and her teammates even more.

Ryan and Jake are in summer rec. baseball--full swing!

We are having our annual great time with the Zak cousins in town.  Bill and Uncle John have the 5 older ones on an overnight kayak and camping trip on the little river that runs by our house.  Memories in the making for sure!

Mahaela was flower girl in Meggie and Aaron's wedding.  I wasn't sure she would walk the aisle...she is nervous in front of large crowds of strangers and was reluctant.  I kept telling her that she was older than Landyn and that he would really need her help in walking the aisle.  He did great without her help...but it worked...she was nervous, but smiled and looked super cute. 

Lindsey and Aaron's little bro held a sign that said "here comes the bride" and "happily ever after" as the bride entered and the couple left.  Lindsey loves a slice of the lime-light (or the whole pie if it's offered!)

And our exciting news...our family is hosting an 11 year old boy from Latvi* (spelled that way because this is not a private blog and it makes it less searchable on google and such) for 5 weeks this summer.  He is an adoptable orphan boy.  We are advocating for him and praying that maybe he finds a family while he is here with us this summer. (inquiries welcome!)  Regardless, we hope to have a great time with him, making wonderful memories for us all.  He arrives June 28. 

Meet Viktors

And my most favorite news ever...My nephew and niece are leaving in a few hours to fly to Ethiopia to bring home their son Amenti.  He is my awesome new great nephew!  Pictures later...but he is a doll boy with eyes that will melt your heart if his smile didn't get you first!

One Year Post-Op

Video taken by Bill of Mahaela's heart



One year ago today, Mahaela had her third surgery to correct her congenital heart defect.  I am reminded of God's mercy to her for a full recovery. 

Bill is working today (he is an anesthesiologist) with the surgeon who performed Mahaela's surgery.  Our surgeon "reminded" him that we have an amazing little girl!  Boy, do we know it! 

As much as I thought that those 18 days in the hospital were such a blurr, I remember so much, with such clarity.  I remember how M. sounded when she was completely dehydrated...like the softest, squeakiest baby bird.  She looked bad, pathetic...but it was all part of the process to go through to heal her.  So many details etched in my memory.  I'm sure they will fade, but today I am taken back to that day.  This day, a year ago was filled with so much support and love and prayer from our family and friends.  It was really a special day--to know how cared for we are. 

1-2 days post op

Very dehydrated about 4-5 days post op.  Trying to decrease the fluid load to her lungs. 

feeling so much better

ready to ride out of there!

I won't relive the whole day...I blogged about the experience a year ago.  She has had a great year of health since then.  A couple ear infections, maybe a cold, and a couple fevers...all the normal stuff, but so normal!

I am reminded how blessed we are and how I can never take that for granted when I think of the little 7 year old staying next to our room in the hospital.  She was sick, just sick, with a similar defect as Mahaela.  Bill talked to the family a bit.  The little girl went on to be transferred to another hospital to be placed on the heart donor list...I never heard if she got a heart in time...Praying that she did and that she is doing well now. 

Thank you to all our friends and family for praying for Mahaela when she really needed it.

On an upbeat note...a couple stories:

On vacation last week, we were in a deli with the TV playing the show where the guy tries all these gross foods from around the world--Bizarre Foods (on the Travel Channel.)  He was eating rat, every bit of rat, in some SE Asian country.  I said to Mahaela, "I'm glad I live in America."  Without her even knowing what I was talking about or why I said that, and without missing a beat she said, "Me, too!"  Just made me smile.

Today I let the elastic out on her adjustable waist jeans.  When I picked her up from preschool she said her pants were falling down all day.  I asked what she did, if she had to keep hiking them up.  She said her teacher just made her go to the bathroom.  I asked if it was because her crack was showing??  She said no, to wash her hands.  Then she showed me how she had an itch and how easily she could slip her hand down the back of her pants.  Oh, the joys of being a preschool teacher!  (and how embarrassing!!--although Mahaela didn't seem to mind being called out for this poor judgment!)

TaDa!

Near Washington Monument in DC 3/22/12

Coming up soon...next week Mahaela has a check up at her cardiologist and possibly an echo.

Also, I talked to an attorney about re-adoption this week and will move forward with that...just to get that state issued certificate of foreign birth.  Probably have our court hearing this summer...think I have a new nephew that should join us...wouldn't that be fun?!

I know this may seem shocking, but I have considered changing the spelling of her name.  I'm so disappointed that no one pronounces it correctly.  But in the end, I don't think I have the guts to do it and I like how it is spelled.  Why do people butcher her name so badly??  MAHAELA...it obeys all the laws of phonics, doesn't it???  

It's been too long...

Mahaela as a baby



This is a long post, but I have a long story to share. 

I have no real excuse (as to why my last post was 3 months ago--yikes)...except life gets in the way!  I know my last entry was before Christmas, but even in the new year, there just isn't enough time for me to keep up with everything, including blogging.  If I'm blogging, be assured that something else in my life or house is falling apart (and for sure there are dirty dishes in the sink!) 

I re-read the previous post I made and watched the Gotcha Day videos again.  I am even more touched by them now than I was a few months ago...and there's a reason for that...Let me tell you about it.

This story starts back several weeks ago.  I received a Facebook friend request from the head nurse (Toncheva, as M. calls her) at Mahaela's orphanage.  I accepted it.  She doesn't speak much English, but I knew she would appreciate seeing pictures, and someone may help her translate as well.  That night, Bill said something while thumbing through his Facebook about "M. Toncheva" requesting to be friends with him.  He accepted the friend request and then also mentioned another name that I wasn't familiar with...but it piqued my interest.  When he said the name, I recalled getting the same request, but many weeks prior.  I not only didn't accept the request, I deleted it completely.  When he said the name, I immediately went to Facebook to look it up.  It seemed to be a Bulgarian name.  When I pulled up the name, various profiles popped up.  One of the profiles had this:

 

a photo of Mahaela as her profile picture!!!

My chin hit the floor.  I didn't recognize this lady, but after she accepted my friend request, I looked through her friend list and saw a handful of faces that I did recognized as caregivers.  I asked her if it was Mahaela in her profile picture (there was no question) and if we had met before.  That was the beginning of some wonderful dialog and a friendship that I will cherish.  That's how I met Petia.
 

Petia is the daughter of one of Mahaela's caregivers.  Petia no longer lives in the town of Mahaela's orphanage, but she would go "home" to visit on weekends and holidays and would talk to her mom and Mahaela very often.  She said M. would get on the phone and say "Good morning, Pete."

I asked if I could share some of our conversations on this blog...she doesn't mind, so I will share.  I didn't want Petia to feel that I was just posting our private conversations, but it just reveals so much to me about Mahaela's three years before we knew her.  So with Petia's permission, I want to share some of her words.  Some are direct quotes as she wrote them...she knows English very well, but some phrases were a bit "off."  Many of them I will leave as she wrote them, because I can just "hear" her saying it that way.

Petia: 

"I will tell you everything I know about her while she was with us...just ask.  Please kiss her from all of us."

"I want and not just me (all of my family and caregivers) to say THANK YOU, that you loved her so much.  Every day I thank God for everything you have done and will do for her and pray whole family is healthy and happy!

Petia knew M. from the time she was a baby..."she was probably a month when I saw her for the first time.  We were with my dad and my sister and mom showed her to us...believe me, Shelley, that was one of the most emotional moments in my life.  Dad wanted to hold her and she wept, from inability to catch her breath, her face was blue:( then we fall in love to this small kid:)" 

My mind just pictures my tiny Mahaela at one month old...brown eyes, soft wavy hair, distinct little nose, fresh scars on her chest.  She would have been blue when she cried due to her heart defect.  She went to the hospital in Sofia just after her birth and had surgery within her first week.  She came to the orphanage in her birth town after being in the hospital about 4 weeks.

"All we were very devoted to her...because she was our "SUNNY GIRL." 

I love that-- "sunny girl." 

"It was very difficult when she went .  At the beginning of each day we waited for information- how is she, is she crying, how was she adapting at home...everything about what a parent thinks for their own children.  Now it is a little easier...but we did not forget:)"

I had always imagined what it was like for them when M. left and what it was like for my 3 year old.  But hearing these words, I could really feel the pain of their loss.

"I am glad that our small and brave child is happy, healthy and surrounded by love with you."

Brave...I've heard that a lot.  The way she left was only due to the fact that they had given her the courage to leave...to be brave.

I asked Petia so many questions...some trivial, but things that I often wondered about...things that we had already made up answers about in our minds--many of our answers being inaccurate.

Little facts:  Mahaela was taken to the hospital for her surgeries and for other procedures and illnesses, but no one was able to stay with her.  I understand why, but it breaks my heart to think of her alone in a hospital crib for days...I like to believe that she had awesome nurses who loved on her and gave her great care. 

I asked Petia if it seemed that they became so attached to M. because she was sick.  "In the orphanage, it has happened to watch a sick child, but it was something special in her and she just took us mind at a glance."  I LOVE that..."mind at a glance."  I think it's a phrase like "she stole our hearts."  The kind of phrase that doesn't translate literally, but I completely get it.  I get it because she also "took us mind at a glance." 

Petia described what it was like when she left.  She described how her dad saw us in the car as we turned the corner and left Haskovo.  I haven't confirmed it, but I believe he is the man sitting in the car on the day M. left.  M. approached the car as if she was familiar with him, but he said something...maybe "ciao" and directed her to the car we were leaving in. 

I could not have been as strong as they were...in fact, they were all very brave when she left.  I was the one crying! 

She said not just the caregivers fell in love with M., but "the members of their families as much fell in love with this child.  For all of us it was hard to say "no" when she asked or prayed (begged) for something:)"

"Actually, I can not explain how we felt when you left...a part of us just gone.  But all know that you are the best choice for her, because you loved her so much..."

She described Mahaela like this: "she's just a charismatic child and anyone who see her fall in love!"

I can't say enough how precious these words are to me (and who doesn't love to hear great things about their child.)  I'm so grateful for every bit of information and photos we have been given.  Petia sent us some photos of M. as an infant and her first birthday celebration.  It just helps to fill in holes...a window to a time that we can never fully know. 

I have thought so much of how attached Mahaela was with her caregivers and how attached they were with her.  It is the best gift given to us and Mahaela.  It created the framework in her heart that allows us to bond and attach to Mahaela as much as we have.  That can't be replaced.  I do realize that this is not the norm in adoption.  It is not what we expected Mahaela's story to be coming from an Eastern European orphanage.  But, it is her story.  I'm not naive enough to think that this care will erase all the questions she will have in the future or her possible feelings of abandonment as she learns her story, but her experience in the orphanage gave her the best possible launch.

"Mahaela deserves to be loved and make people around her glad with her smile and energy."...and she does make us "glad"...for so many reasons, she makes us "GLAD."

15 months home today and still so much to be thankful for.  All praise and thanks to my Father in heaven who has blessed us with more than we could have asked or thought.

And that's the end to my long post...

Thank you Petia and all of the special caregivers in Mahaela's life



A year later...We Celebrate Gotcha Day!

This day will be forever etched in my mind, just as I remember the birth of my other children.  I could imagine what the birth of my children would be like and how I would feel when they arrived.  With Mahaela's adoption, I couldn't really wrap my mind around it.  I didn't know how full I would feel or how instant the love would be or how satisfying it would be.  Each of those things came at different times and in different measures...but it happened.  I couldn't have hoped, dreamed, or prayed for this adoption, transition, or first year to have gone any better than it has.  This blog has been a year of mostly writing about our adoption process and Mahaela.  I do have 4 other children that are no less special or loved by me.  I could write about any of them...but I would probably lose the 12 followers that I have!  I think I have felt most led to blog so that I may savor this process and experience, as it is unlike any other.  I also feel in some way that it will be a very preserved memory for Mahaela as she grows up.  And so for now, I keep trying to update occasionally.
Below are two segments of the same video of Mahaela leaving her orphanage.  Poor little thing...she didn't even know.  She was so ready and willing to leave all that she knew and no one was stopping her.  I am sure that by the time we tucked her into bed that night, she was done with us and ready for her ride back to her "home."  That first night was "worrisome."  She just kept repeating something over and over as she sat in bed crying, screaming.  It didn't sound like "eskum dow" but that is what she was saying..."I want down!"  We weren't holding her in bed, she sat there pretty easily, but she would not lay down and didn't for several days.  We would just watch her fall over asleep.  That first night she cried hard.  She started wheezing quite a bit and she was a sweaty, hot mess.  We were concerned about how much of a workout her sick little heart was getting by all of the stress and crying.  God showed us much mercy, because we got through those early days and weeks...without it being quite as bad as we imagined it could have been. 
Now a year later...she is one of us and has been from the beginning.  She has brothers and sisters that really love her.  There is still a bit of rivalry/jealousy between Lindsey and Mahaela, but it is better and they have become play buddies.  Mahaela has much more attention and ability to sit, even since the summer.  She now can watch TV, movies, and sit for books.  She really does love to be read to.  She is learning at preschool...I'm sure she will get "most improved" this school year.  She is learning shapes, colors, numbers, animals very quickly.
A highlight of the year for me was her recovery from her surgery.  We dreaded putting her through something so awful when she didn't "appear" sick.  We just knew it needed to be done and pushed through.  She had a bit of a rough recovery...she had days of pain and it was so hard to watch.  My heart just crumbled when she grabbed her chest screaming from the pain of the chest tube and nothing seemed to give her immediate or complete relief.  But so many people were praying for her...with time, recovery came.  She was riding her bike in the hospital halls for days before she was even discharged.  Her doctors think she looks fantastic...and we couldn't agree more.
She is a beautiful blessing in our lives and a reminder of the good that our Heavenly Father wants to shower on us all.  He gave us more than the desire of our hearts. 

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights..." James 1:17



I think the last words that you can hear one of the caregivers say is Ciao and Dovizhdane...both goodbye in Bulgarian.  There were many tears, mostly my own.  I had such gratitude for the care she had received and knew that it was a difficult day for them to see her go.  But they were so strong and truly happy for "Misha."

I just found this video that Bill must have made when he was playing around with video making...I don't think I have posted this exact one, but maybe something similar.  It contains photos from our Gotcha day and time in Bulgaria...such a special time.



Blessed beyond measure...To God be all the Glory.



Celebrating Mahaela's 4th Birthday!!!

That was then...

This is now!

Mahaela is 4 years old today!  This is our first birthday to celebrate with her.  We have been celebrating for a few days now.  She loved getting presents and had priceless reactions to each gift. 

I just received an e-card from her orphanage, the head nurse specifically.  They are thinking of her and I know they must be missing her terribly.  We sent them 2 coats recently as a gift for her birthday and also for her Gotcha day.  They were so kind to send her with 2 coats when we left the orphanage--they said both were hers and they wanted her to have them.  We didn't really need them, but I took everything they offered--from her toothbrush to her tights.  I intend to save everything, because it is all that Mahaela has to remember those first 3 years by.  I hope to send them two coats every year to celebrate her birthday.  I also sent them some recent photos.  I wish they could really see her now!

We know how unbelievable blessed we have been by having Mahaela in our family.  She is really a joy for all of us.  There is something magical about 4 year olds.  We look forward to this next year with her.  I know we have only had her for a  year...but she really is growing up too fast! 

I do wonder what her birthmom thinks of this day.  I pray she just dreams of how well she might be doing and that she believes that she did what was best for Mahaela.  Her birth parents were just part of story.  I thank God that we can be part of her story from here on out. 

Here is a video of us explaining to her that we were beginning to celebrate her birthday a couple days early...

(ya, lately she is doing something very strange with her tongue when she is embarrassed or nervous or very excited in this case!)

I know I have been quiet and I have a little blogging to fill in the gaps, but it will have to wait for another time still. 

Pack-pack and Love Notes

I have let a lot of time lapse since my last post.  I could probably write a book...but no time for that!  So I am just shooting off this short post to say we are still here.  I heard a speaker once at the mom's group at school talk about her experiences with fostering and adoption.  They had really suffered so much disappointment, but one of their Sunday School kid's said to the dad, "The neatest things always happen to you."  That is exactly how I feel right now.  So much has happened in our family, but God is good.  Don't misunderstand...we are not suffering, but sometimes what appears to be a diffuculty or hardship or inconvenience can be the absolute biggest blessing--the "neat" things in our lives.

I could put this in a post all it's own, but I had to share here one of the sweetest notes from my husband.  I am also sharing the video that prompted the email below.  I am blessed to see my husband love my children.

(after 8,452 tries, this finally uploaded!  Miracles never cease!)

Shell,
I can't stop watching that video. It is so cute, shows off her language and faces, and, of course, apparently she loves me. We have been truly blessed above anything I could have prayed or thought. God gave her to us, I know you knew it the whole time, it took me a little longer. I think it is amazing what you have done with her. I can't believe that God gave us the ability to love Mahaela like our others. I knew it could happen in theory but it has happened completely. What a journey we have been on. Loved every minute of it (with a few exceptions), and I loved doing this adoption journey with you - my best friend and the love of my life.

Bill

We met a year ago today

This photo was taken by my friend and fellow adoptive mom, Joy.  She and Nate really started the spark that led us to our youngest.  She simply made a post on her blog in February of 2009 announcing their intention to adopt.  That begged the question, "why not us?" 

One year ago Monday, July 19, 2010, we experienced the special day of meeting Misha standing on her orphanage steps.  There were several caregivers to greet us and lots of foreign language ringing out.  They were saying "Misha" and we had never heard that nickname before.  Bill kind of pulled back and said, "Is that Mahaela?"  We didn't want to mess up this first greeting.  It was indeed Mahaela!  She walked us right back to the office of the head nurse.  She gave us hugs and her signature pat on the back.  Her hair was fixed cute--they were putting their best foot forward.  She was sweet and spoiled!

The picture below was in the first few moments that we were with her.  She already had candy in her mouth and had also taken my sunglasses...she loves sunglasses! 

I am thankful for the day we met Mahaela.  It's a day much like my other children's birth days--a day that is difficult to describe in words--a day I will never forget!

I know this is from an old post, but it captures many moments from our time in Bulgaria a year ago.

7 months home today!

A few photos from summer days!

Mahaela on a car trip with headphones on--completely entertained.  She is a good traveler.

"I just woke up" as she would say.  The girl has HAIR!

Getting acclimated to the pool.  She prefers to just park it on the steps...which works out just fine!

Going down the wall slide at City Museum in St. Louis.  She really loved it.  She left with some hefty head bumps, bruises, and skinned knees and elbows!  (We [and by "we" I mean Bill] often opt for fun over common sense.  Don't send your 3 year old down a 3 story slide--they will reach terminal velocity!

Lindsey, Mahaela, Jake, Bill

Mahaela continues to do well.  She is recovered!  What a blessing and Praise the Lord!  We have had a great summer so far.  Zak cousins came for a visit and we all traveled to Missouri for the beautiful wedding of our nephew, Sam, to his bride, Jess.  If there has been one negative to the summer, it would have to be the lack of naps that Mahaela takes.  Today, she woke up with a stomping, angry attitude.  I think she needs a little more down time than she got this 4th of July weekend.  She got shots again last week--2 in her left thigh.  She didn't walk for a day and a half.  We carried her from bed to couch.  It was pretty sad and pathetic...and she might be a bit dramatic.  She did have a pretty good fever from them also.  She had to have adult versions of the pneumo- and meningococcal vaccines due to her lack of spleen.  One more Hep A the end of the month and she should be done for 2 years. 

The other negative to kids out of school, visitors around, and dad on vacation is that I lose rank!  It's a subtle attitude, but she easily dismisses me and definitely prefers daddy.  I'll survive.  Fall will come soon and we will be best buds again. 

We are really just enjoying her.  I can see much that we will be dealing with down the road and even now--she is a little spit fire and quickly goes from 0 to 10!  She is quick to pinch, scratch her siblings, especially Lindsey.  Yep, she's a pistol, but so endearing at the same time.  We just have to continue with the consistent correction. 

Almost a year ago we met her for the first time...that's another post.

She's a cutie!

I don't know if I shared this photo earlier in my blog...to lazy to check, but this is one of my favs given to me by the orphanage. I had know idea when it was taken, until I was downloading it to a file and the date and time popped up (I'm not computer savvy, so I wouldn't have had a clue that those details would be with the photo.) It says it was taken at 9:30 am 11/17/09--the morning of her second birthday. What a happy little girl. Was she just waking up?? Is that time accurate? If she was anything then, like she is now, she does enjoy sleeping in. 9:30 is not unusual for Mahaela--she's a good Hauter kid! And as she usually says, regardless of the time of day, "I just woke up!"
I was just looking up some photos after sending an email to her orphanage who was asking about her. What sweet ladies who must really be wondering about M. and missing her.

The First 6 Months of Forever

It's Memorial weekend. It's also a milestone day for us. 6 months ago we picked up Mahaela and walked down those orphanage steps and haven't looked back! I could just cry thinking of that day. I have been questioning Mahaela a lot about the details of her life in the orphanage. She says nothing about her time there. I wonder if she can even think "I didn't have a mommy then, and now I do." I'm sure her young mind can't really wrap around what has happened to her. I know she had happy times and was loved at the orphanage, but she simply can't hold these memories--she was a two year old.

Also, 2 months ago she had her open heart surgery. She is doing fabulous. In the past 2 weeks, she has seen both her cardiologist and her surgeon. She also had an echocardiogram. They all agree that she is doing great. We were able to stop her lasix. She takes an antibiotic, aspirin, heart medication, and vitamin every day. They believe she can be weaned off of her heart med in about 6 months since she did not require any heart meds before her surgery. She recently had another ear infection which required us to change her antibiotic for 10 days. In spite of these minor things, she is the picture of health! Praise the Lord. She has energy and stamina that is at or above the level of any 3 year old. She loves the "jumpoline"--which we agree is a much better name than trampoline! She plays outside as often as she can. Tomorrow she will experience our pool for the first time. It is supposed to be a beautiful, sunny day. She will have to be slathered in sunscreen, but it's gonna be so fun!

I have been imagining this sweet little girl with sweaty curls and a dinky little swimsuit running around this place--those days are finally here.

She has been such a good girl. She has a tender heart, but at the same time gets so mad. She's mad, but she wants to say sorry. She really has been so easy. She loves to sleep with us--and we love it to. Last night she slept with Aubrey (and Ryan, too). She loved getting to do that. I went in to wake them for church and she was awake, just laying between them. It was pretty cute. Today she walked out after her nap and had a head full of sweaty curls, and says, "I just woke up." She says that all the time, with the cutest smile on her face--a true bedhead!

Well, I just wanted to give a quick update. I'm so thrilled that so many of my Bulgaria-to-adopt friends are getting close to picking up their sweeties also. It's a great joy to see others experience the miracle of adoption just as we have. It's amazing. It's a smile forever stamped on my heart!

Mahaela 3 1/2 years old

Next stop--POTTY TRAINING! I'll let you know how it goes, but I'm a big quitter! (which is why I'm reluctant to even begin!!)

5 Months Home

It's been an awesome 5 months. To be honest, my brain can't find words right now, so I can't wax eloquent about our journey together. All I can say is that I feel completely blessed. I wanted to be willing to do the "hard" thing for Jesus who has done the impossible thing for me. But in the end...I have just been blessed. We have been given a prize!
Bill asked the kids the other night what they thought of how the adoption went or how it was going. The kids just oozed at how great Mahaela is and how much they love her and how much she fits in with our family. We all feel like we cheated the system. It was pretty cute how they just couldn't get over how it has all worked out. It really is an amazing thing that happens when you think of the child you could "get" and you realize that it doesn't matter what child it is or what difficulties come with them...it is simply YOUR child. It's so difficult for me explain. Maybe someday the words will come better than they are today. I was trying to explain to someone how we looked at all these special needs and talked ourselves into some. The conversation in your head, to be blunt, is "I don't really want a child who has _____ or can't _____." No one "wants" an unhealthy child or a child who will face difficulties in life or who will be made fun of or who may die young or....We all pray for healthy children to be born. But somewhere in the decision to choose a special needs child the conversation switches to "that's my child who has ____ and yes I can, will, and still love them!" Bill and I have commented several times on a message board post from a mom describing her adopted son...he sounded simply awful and she gave a great description of how awful he was. But the very next sentence had a beautiful description of her child--a picture of how connected they were and how much she loved him! Could it really be the same child?? At the same time that we have the capacity to be disappointed, dislike, hate (yes, gotta be real...I do hate some things the kids do or how they act. Hate is a strong word--so replace with dislike very much or detest if that makes it easier to swallow!) things about our children...we have all been given this amazing, God-given capacity to feel love beyond comprehension. Love covers all.
Ok...I can see that I'm trying and possibly failing to describe how I feel about it all...I will just leave it at that.

To give a little update...Mahaela is doing great as far as her recovery from heart surgery. The medical bills are rolling in, but we met our deductible in January:) So now it's just interesting to see all the charges. So thankful for decent insurance.
Some things that have changed...spitting is a very rare thing, as well as scratching and slapping--almost never, really. She does have a good stomp and leg slap to let us know she is really mad, but she also wants to "I wanna sorry" very quickly. She does not push away my touch or hugs or kisses which is wonderful. She sleeps in our bed most nights...which has it's pros and cons. She frequently asks for a blanket! She is warm and cuddly and a great sleeper. She will sometimes wake when I get kids up in the morning for school, but I just tell her it's not time for her to get up and like a good Hauter kid...she goes back to sleep for a couple hours! Love that! But twice in the past several nights she has fallen out of bed at night or at nap and really hurt her knees. Last night she fell and I can't believe I didn't hear her fall or get back into our bed--which is high and difficult to do! I didn't hear her until she cried and cried about her knees which are already black and blue. She bruises terrible from the aspirin. Anyway, we might have to make it a point to put her back to sleep (when Bill is gone and she isn't sandwiched between us) in her crib. I would hate for her to knock her head on the side table.
Well, I've stepped away from the computer for several hours and this post is long enough. Just wanted to share what she just said in the car--as an update to her language acquisition. Ryan told her "Leka Nosht" (good night) in the car and she said "I'm not going to bed." Then he said "Ti si hubuva" (you're cute, pretty, beautiful--I actually just forgot what one it means) to which she said "I'm beautiful." Kind of interesting how her mind translates, considering she can no longer say anything fluent in Bulgarian, or she chooses not to.

Looking forward to getting into bed tonight with my little snuggle bug...Oh, I'm sure Lindsey will join us later!

Home and doing great!

Not a very good snapshot, but this is Mahaela all set free from tubes, wires, lines, etc. Here she is roaming the halls just before we left the hospital. She has been home a week and a half and hasn't missed a beat. She is playing outside, riding her trike, running around...everything but the trampoline!
We saw the nurse practitioner last Monday, because our surgeon had an emergency case. M. had a great chest xray. We dropped her lasix from 3 to 2 doses a day. We had blood work and chest xray again yesterday (Monday) and it was still all clear and her lab work looked better. I thought it might show some electrolytes off a bit because of the lasix, but things were actually better than before. She was getting a little sunken in around her eyes--that dehydrated look to her. We were able to drop her lasix down to just once a day now. There is something about meds that just make you feel like you have a chronic illness...and she does...It's just that before surgery she was on just a baby aspirin--not even a prescription to deal with.
Now she is on baby aspirin--for her lifetime, Enalapril (vasotec, a heart drug which we hope she is weaned from, but there is a debate about it's protective benefits), amoxicillin, lasix, prevacid (which I also stopped today). She is so good about taking them--doesn't like lasix.
I don't know if I mentioned in previous posts, but she does not have a spleen. So she needs a prophylactic antibiotic for a couple years or perhaps much longer. She also needs a few more vaccines when she has recovered. We had a very thorough infectious disease doctor consult with us while she was in the hospital. He was great and gave us many articles from the literature on tests to be done on internationally adopted children as well as how to handle asplenic children. She will just always be at high risk for getting the really bad bugs...the ones that are resistent to amoxicillin!
We saw the pediatrician last week also. He is impressed with how well she looks. We will see the surgeon one more time for him to clear us and then we will see the cardiologist in mid may for an echo and check up. From that point on, the cardiologist will manage her care.
We were able to all go to church on Easter Sunday, together. We all sat together. Mahaela is doing better at sitting and whispering, but she did get taken out 2 times...it was long, so that wasn't so bad. She saw her Sunday School teacher that she really connects with and got to give her hugs.
The crazy tale spin of end of school stuff is upon us. In just a month the pool will be open and it will be hot--it's hard to believe. Mahaela will be all healed up and ready to play in that pool that she doesn't even know is out back--I wonder what she thinks it is??
So, that's the latest, greatest news. Now we move on to the crazy, boring-to-anyone-else, lives that we live.

A great adoption story!

You have to read this adoption story. It will always be a favorite of mine for several reasons. I don't personally know Michelle, but she is a friend of my two nieces, I believe they graduated from high school together, but I don't think I ever verified that. I do know they all connect on some amazing Girl's Night Outs. Our church "launched" an Orphan Care Ministry named Called2Care with an evening event with guest speakers Kelly Putty from Ordinary Hero and Jami Kaeb who is just launching a ministry with Lifesong called The Forgotten Initiative (find it on facebook until their website is launched.) It was a great evening--hearts were touched, people were spurred to action, and God was glorified. We wanted God to have his way with the evening and we believe that He did. Michelle's story is an awesome example of what God can and did do. Adoption usually requires a lot of waiting, money, patience (at least International adoption), but it doesn't have to...I love Michelle's story because it shows what God can do with just a "Yes, Lord!"

So...my nieces invited Michelle to the event and she and her husband were able to come.

Here is her story. Warning: Goosebump inducing!! (and you might need a tissue!)

In case you can't click on the above link, go to her blog: www.michellesblog6@blogspot.com.

Read her entry for April 18th.
I have made links to Kelly and Jami's blogs. They are wonderful to read and are a great encouragement. You might want to put them on your blog list! (Not "might"--you absolutely do!)

We Are Home

Praise the Lord--we are HOME!

Our morning started at 5 am with a chest xray...as it has for the past 18 days! Her xray looked great. They usually take blood from her central line after that for lab work, but this am, they had trouble getting blood from the line. 3-4 nurses tried before they could get blood. The last nurse had to pull back on the line a bit (which is stitched to her skin) and that caused some screaming. By then we were all really awake! Her labs looked good also, so we knew it was GO TIME!

Bill worked in the Emergency Department last night, so he came up after his shift. Mahaela was cut free from everything, so she was practically roaming the halls. The doctors came in to see her around 8 am and all her paperwork was ready to go. We left the hospital about 9 am!

Such a great feeling to just be in our home, together...making messes!

(Grandmas took care of my kids and house for 2 1/2 weeks and there are no messes. We are home 3 hours and it is like a tornado blew through...I just don't have what it takes to keep it all together.)

To look at Mahaela, you wouldn't know anything has happened to her. She has energy--at least the energy to fight with her siblings. We are so glad that she has healed so well. As Bill said, it felt really good leaving the hospital. It wasn't the 7 days that we expected, but it could have been 7 weeks, or worse.

Thanks to so many for praying. We couldn't have made it without those prayers. We were completely held up.

Thank you, Jesus!

It's Friday, Friday..

Have you heard the Youtube song? Well, we're singing it here! It's gonna be a great day and tomorrow is Saturday!! Right now we are waiting to eat until the surgeon comes to see Mahaela. Her chest tube has pulled out far enough that they want to just remove it today--yes! It's at risk for just falling out which could be bad. It's no longer able to drain anyway in the position that it is in, so if she would start to accumulate fluid it would require another chest tube. Her chest xray looks great. So the plan is to remove the chest tube today, start eating, watch her, have a clear xray tomorrow, pull the central line and go HOME. I don't care what time we leave here tomorrow, but I would like us to all be in our OWN BEDS tomorrow night. This is day 18 in the ICU. We have received awesome care. We have had a great majority of the nurses, so we feel as though we know them a little and they all know Mahaela. We have said many times how different this would have been in the old ICU. This new Children's Hospital just opened last summer. It is a great facility that has been completely family friendly. The other unit didn't even have a bathroom for families to use--you had to walk out of the unit and use the waiting room bathrooms. You had to sleep sitting in a chair, that they say didn't even fit in the room, or sleep in the waiting room. Here, I have had a very accomodating home away from home. OSF St. Francis can be proud. While we were in Bulgaria, I had brochures and photos of this new facility. We had just toured it. I was able to show her orphanage and physician the great facility where Mahaela would receive her care. Pray with us that going home will be our reality tomorrow. God has blessed us with many good days of Mahaela feeling great and content, without pain. We are so thankful.

Almost to the end

Mahaela is making great strides. Her chest tube is no longer draining. She is regaining strength and coordination. A few days ago she was holding on to us very hard to walk and was a bit uncoordinated. She has much more agility now. She is just ready for them to cut her loose. Daddy did so much with her today that she zonked out sitting in the chair around 7pm. She went to the activity room twice, walked three times, sat on the sofa in the room about 2 hours and was just very active today. We are praying that Saturday we will get to go home.

God has been so merciful to us in caring for Mahaela and providing us with wonderful friends and family who have carried this burden with us. Thank you all for praying and helping in very tangible ways.

Baby Mahaela

One of Mahaela's caregivers must have been thinking about Mahaela today because she sent me 4 new photos. The above photo was taken on her 2nd birthday, I believe. We actually have several of her on her birthday, and this is the outfit she was wearing.

I think this photo is taken a bit earlier than 2 years, maybe 18 months? She seems like she is being a little bit supported and most children are not walking before 18 months. I believe Mahaela was 19 months. The caregiver is her favorie. She was the head of the nurses. I always have wondered how much of an active role she played in caring for Mahaela. She seems to be "hands-on" in this photo. Mahaela definitely remembers her a lot. About a month ago, Mahaela said her name in the store and got a bit excited when she thought she may have seen her. It was just a woman with similar hair. It was kind of sad to think that she still thinks about her and most probably misses her. I'm so glad for the fond memory that she has of her, but I hate the idea that she could be sad about it, deep down.

I know her caregivers are just hoping that Mahaela recovers quickly. I'm so happy that I am at her bedside. I know they would have loved her through it, but she needs a mommy and a daddy.

Well, since she is sleeping so soundly, I will take advantage and get some sleep also. Praying these next few days go by quickly.

What a difference a day can make

I think these videos capture what a great day Mahaela had in her recovery. Here she is getting ready to walk and telling us she wasn't going to cry (like she did the first time she walked a few days ago.) She was feeling so much better today. She sat in the chair for hours, walked the halls, rode her bike, and even had a poop (after suppositories and days of medication that finally worked). It was a good day.

Below: Mahaela ride's her new bike that Bill and the kids brought up for her last night. She was really excited to get to sit on it and ride it.

Called to Care Kickoff and Mahaela update

The above video is taken during the kick-off for my church's new orphan care ministry. Our ministry is named Called 2 Care. It was a great evening with Kelly Putty, founder of Ordinary Hero http://www.ordinaryhero.org/ out of Nashville. Also Jami Kaeb from Bloomington, IL was able to share her new ministry called The Forgotten Initiative--they are partnering with LifeSong. (Find the Forgotten Initiative on Facebook--the website will be up very shortly.) Bill and I were able to both be there thanks to grandma and grandpa babysitting Mahaela at the hospital. It was a really great evening. God is doing something amazing. Orphan's lives will be changed because of this evening. I know of two families who felt called to adopt and are saying yes because of this evening. I encourage you all to stir the pot at your churches with a ministry such as this. Thanks for continuing to pray for Mahaela. She is getting better, praise the Lord! Only 30ml out of the chest tube and her xray looks pretty good. We are doing everything the same for another day, before they starting weaning meds, introducing fluids/food.

Glimmer of Hope

This am Mahaela had a total of 90ml out of her chest tube for the previous 24 hours and a clearer xray. I am tentative, but encouraged. She had very little output throughout today. I am praying that this is officially a slow down in her drainage and not that her chest tube is plugging up again. If she has a good looking xray in the am and still very little drainage out, we may be on the road to fixing this problem and healing. They will then start to wean her off one of her medications and then feed her...all the while hoping that she does not begin to drain again. Praying Hard!!! She walked twice already today, and had much better strength and mobility. After very little sleep at all during the night (and no nap yesterday) and a grumpy attitude in the am, she perked up by mid morning and was happy girl. Thanks for praying and keep it up! Prayers are being answered.