Something "new" is heavy on my heart. We are adopting a special needs child. They will have a physical need/birth defect/medical disease. The list is long of what their need could be. Because of the type of child that we have described in our homestudy, we would expect that the child would be as mentally and emotionally healthy as possible. But recently my mind has been wrapped around the fact that almost all of these children are simply damaged. I don't know what the Lord has in store for us, or what our child will really be like, but from what I have been reading, there seems little chance that they will be "normal" in every way. You see, most Bulgarian children are placed for adoption in infancy. There is much research on the damaging effects of being raised in an institution. Their little minds simply cannot develop properly without the constant care, love, contact that a parent could give them. God made children to be cared for by a mother and a father. The situatation in most Eastern European countries is that they are placed in orphanages and cared for there. In other countries it is more common for a child to be placed in a foster home, or cared for by a parent until they are relinquished to an orphanage due to exteme poverty or the child becoming an orphan. These situations have there own problems and risks, but not quite as severe as complete institutionalization. I am making generalizations. From some message boards that I have been on lately, I am hearing that almost 100% of these children have some form of ADD/ADHD or other learning/behavior problems. It's hard to assume that our child will not suffer with the same. Every family loves them and believes they are wonderful and loving children, but there are issues and the road to raise them is not easy.
I believe the orphanages are doing the best they can, but these children need mommies from the very start that will hold them and talk to them and look them in the eyes. I am sad for the life that these children are handed. It's this fallen world that we live in. I am not trying to put the cart before the horse...but I am sad and disappointed that our child may suffer from these problems...that we (the child and us) will have this burden to carry. No one would want their child to suffer from these problems. It doesn't make me not want to have one of these children. They need a family as much as my own children need our family. Our child needs us and we need to see what Jesus will do in their lives. The damage is done, so to speak. Their best hope is Jesus and the love of a family. That's what we want to give them.
My prayer is that God will give us a special measure of grace to handle whatever their physical and emotional needs may be. I know it will be difficult. I pray that our child is an exception to the norm, but regardless, I trust that God will give us what we can handle, and that He will hold us up to meet the challenge.
I pray that even now their caregivers pat their backs, smile at them, sing them a song, and look them in the eyes. I pray that they are given the best care to give them the best chance in life until we can have them home.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
March 2010 update
Sorry such a long post...
It is now almost 4 months since my last post...sadly and surprisingly, nothing is happening too quickly. In early January we heard that our dossier had been translated and was at the MOJ (Ministry of Justice). In early February our agency contacted us, telling us that the MOJ wanted updated medical evaluations for Bill and me. It took a few weeks to complete those and send them back to Bulgaria (repeating the whole notary, trip to Springfield for apostilles, invalid notary scare, overnighting documents to our agency routine). They were sent in the end of February and we haven't heard anything since. We assume (maybe wrongly) that they have been received and all is well. BUT until our dossier and application is reviewed again, we are not officially registered! It has now been a year since we started the process--at least gathering information and looking at Bulgaria. I am really surprised by how long it has taken. I shouldn't be, but when I imagined March of 2010, I didn't picture we would still be at this point. God is not surprised. That I know for sure.
Just to give a little taste of the ride we are on, a little girl was brought to our attention a month ago. She was a waiting child. Bill and I looked at her and what information we were given on her and our hearts "went there." She was a little over our approved age of 48 months, but we would have to get approval for an older child. Just as quickly as our hopes soared, they were dashed. She was in process with another family and they were also aware of a sibling that was available to adopt also. She was not our child. This "feeling" has happened before...it's a great feeling. I realize it was just the initial gut feeling, but it brings us hope that we may feel such instant love and longing for a child. I can imagine that this love and longing will just grow through the entire process, from seeing a child, learning as much detail as we can about them, meeting them the first time, anticipating picking them up, and then finally doing so. Much like a pregnancy, just different milestones along the way.
With each hope, dream, disappointment, longing, the hole in our heart just grows deeper. It's a hole that we believe God will send our next child to fill. It seems like the deeper the hole, the easier taking root in it will be. This is the metaphor that makes me believe and understand how there could be as similar a bond with an adopted child as a biological one. That is an issue that all adoptive parents think about, some more than others. It is not an issue that I have been worried about. I actually have a lot of peace about it. Time will tell how this will play out, but I am so ready to love another little one and welcome them into our lives.
Oh, and we did begin the process to change our age range (thanks to this little girl that was a bit out of our approval age). We still wish for a child under the age of 4, but for the next year (until our USCIS approval expires) we will be approved for up to a 6 year old. It is worded in a way that expresses our desire while being precise in giving an age we are approved for. We are praying that we will hear of a child even before we get through this whole change in approval process.
So many people have been waiting for Bulgarian children for so long, we are trying to have patience. Just hoping that time flies!
God is in control.
It is now almost 4 months since my last post...sadly and surprisingly, nothing is happening too quickly. In early January we heard that our dossier had been translated and was at the MOJ (Ministry of Justice). In early February our agency contacted us, telling us that the MOJ wanted updated medical evaluations for Bill and me. It took a few weeks to complete those and send them back to Bulgaria (repeating the whole notary, trip to Springfield for apostilles, invalid notary scare, overnighting documents to our agency routine). They were sent in the end of February and we haven't heard anything since. We assume (maybe wrongly) that they have been received and all is well. BUT until our dossier and application is reviewed again, we are not officially registered! It has now been a year since we started the process--at least gathering information and looking at Bulgaria. I am really surprised by how long it has taken. I shouldn't be, but when I imagined March of 2010, I didn't picture we would still be at this point. God is not surprised. That I know for sure.
Just to give a little taste of the ride we are on, a little girl was brought to our attention a month ago. She was a waiting child. Bill and I looked at her and what information we were given on her and our hearts "went there." She was a little over our approved age of 48 months, but we would have to get approval for an older child. Just as quickly as our hopes soared, they were dashed. She was in process with another family and they were also aware of a sibling that was available to adopt also. She was not our child. This "feeling" has happened before...it's a great feeling. I realize it was just the initial gut feeling, but it brings us hope that we may feel such instant love and longing for a child. I can imagine that this love and longing will just grow through the entire process, from seeing a child, learning as much detail as we can about them, meeting them the first time, anticipating picking them up, and then finally doing so. Much like a pregnancy, just different milestones along the way.
With each hope, dream, disappointment, longing, the hole in our heart just grows deeper. It's a hole that we believe God will send our next child to fill. It seems like the deeper the hole, the easier taking root in it will be. This is the metaphor that makes me believe and understand how there could be as similar a bond with an adopted child as a biological one. That is an issue that all adoptive parents think about, some more than others. It is not an issue that I have been worried about. I actually have a lot of peace about it. Time will tell how this will play out, but I am so ready to love another little one and welcome them into our lives.
Oh, and we did begin the process to change our age range (thanks to this little girl that was a bit out of our approval age). We still wish for a child under the age of 4, but for the next year (until our USCIS approval expires) we will be approved for up to a 6 year old. It is worded in a way that expresses our desire while being precise in giving an age we are approved for. We are praying that we will hear of a child even before we get through this whole change in approval process.
So many people have been waiting for Bulgarian children for so long, we are trying to have patience. Just hoping that time flies!
God is in control.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sweet Relief...almost like getting an epidural!
Today, November 30, 2009 I overnighted our completed dossier to our agency. They will check it over and if everything meets their approval, it will be sent off to Bulgaria. Once in Bulgaria, it will be translated and then sent on to the Ministry of Justice (MOJ) to be approved/registered.
To backtrack a bit, we were fingerprinted for USCIS on October 29. We continued to wait for our child abuse clearances from Ohio (the glitch). It came mid-Nov. and we were able to fax it and the addendum on to USCIS. We were called just a couple days later to say we were approved and our official notice was in the mail. It arrived a week later, the day after Thanksgiving.
Today, I sent Lindsey with Grandma/Grandpa H. and made the nice quiet trip to Springfield. I had a bit of an uneasy feeling...like, what can go wrong?? I felt like there were a couple things that have dates that are too close to expiring. Depending on the timing of getting it all in country, we may have to redo them before it can even be sent to the MOJ. We will cross that bridge later, if necessary. Well, the office of the Secretary of State was not nearly as intimidating as I expected. The lady came back with my documents and said that two of my notarized papers did not have valid notaries!!! Doom-doom-doom-doom! She asked if a notary in office could notarize them and attest that they were true documents??? Of course, let's do that! So, no big problem. I'm especially thankful because Bill was not with me. It's not difficult to get a notary, but impossible to notarize a signature if the person is not there to sign. God truly worked that one out. All of my forms were given the beautiful seal and apostilled. 19 Forms in all. I drove back home, made copies of the entire pack to send on to my agency and went to Fed-Ex. Two pounds of documents!
Dossier apostilled by Sec. of State...$38
Dossier shipped overnight...$30
Dossier out of my hands...Priceless!
Now that's sweet relief!
To backtrack a bit, we were fingerprinted for USCIS on October 29. We continued to wait for our child abuse clearances from Ohio (the glitch). It came mid-Nov. and we were able to fax it and the addendum on to USCIS. We were called just a couple days later to say we were approved and our official notice was in the mail. It arrived a week later, the day after Thanksgiving.
Today, I sent Lindsey with Grandma/Grandpa H. and made the nice quiet trip to Springfield. I had a bit of an uneasy feeling...like, what can go wrong?? I felt like there were a couple things that have dates that are too close to expiring. Depending on the timing of getting it all in country, we may have to redo them before it can even be sent to the MOJ. We will cross that bridge later, if necessary. Well, the office of the Secretary of State was not nearly as intimidating as I expected. The lady came back with my documents and said that two of my notarized papers did not have valid notaries!!! Doom-doom-doom-doom! She asked if a notary in office could notarize them and attest that they were true documents??? Of course, let's do that! So, no big problem. I'm especially thankful because Bill was not with me. It's not difficult to get a notary, but impossible to notarize a signature if the person is not there to sign. God truly worked that one out. All of my forms were given the beautiful seal and apostilled. 19 Forms in all. I drove back home, made copies of the entire pack to send on to my agency and went to Fed-Ex. Two pounds of documents!
Dossier apostilled by Sec. of State...$38
Dossier shipped overnight...$30
Dossier out of my hands...Priceless!
Now that's sweet relief!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
The Long Beginning
This is my first experience with blogging. I have been absorbed in other blogs as they write of their experience with adoption. There are many who can relate their story so beautifully and can share their hearts so clearly. I don't expect to be one of those writers. I just intend to write for me, for our child. Blogging seems like a great way for me to keep an accurate timeline, maybe share a few of my thoughts on this process, and share with my family and friends "how it's going."
The seeds of adoption were planted in our hearts in March 2009. I knew it was a long process. I knew the wait would be long...but this is crazy long, and we really even haven't begun.
We are officially waiting for the approval of our I800a. BUT, we received a call from USCIS (immigrations) that our homestudy was incomplete. I am beyond disappointed! I am trying to have the attitude that these things happen. It is something that I should have caught or questioned, but also something that our agency should have absolutely caught and corrected.
Well, it requires more waiting and more patience.
God has put us on this path and we will trust that the timing doesn't matter...we will still be united with the child that belongs to us. God's first choice for us isn't slipping away.
The seeds of adoption were planted in our hearts in March 2009. I knew it was a long process. I knew the wait would be long...but this is crazy long, and we really even haven't begun.
We are officially waiting for the approval of our I800a. BUT, we received a call from USCIS (immigrations) that our homestudy was incomplete. I am beyond disappointed! I am trying to have the attitude that these things happen. It is something that I should have caught or questioned, but also something that our agency should have absolutely caught and corrected.
Well, it requires more waiting and more patience.
God has put us on this path and we will trust that the timing doesn't matter...we will still be united with the child that belongs to us. God's first choice for us isn't slipping away.
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