Thanks for Reading

I agree with most bloggers...I blog to record events, journal my thoughts. If nobody reads...I'll never know it and I'll keep blogging just for me. But I have to say, for those of you who read something and then send encouragement my way...I truly appreciate it. I appreciate the kind words, the prayers, the "I get what you're saying" remarks. The one thing that I miss about blogging is the dialog. So I wanted to take a moment to thank those who have made comments all along our journey. They are appreciated.

Hugs to you all!

"Ya, she's adopted"

Aubrey asked me the other day, "When will we stop thinking about adoption when we think of Mahaela?" I totally get what she means. Like she said, "I think about adoption all the time."
Well, I don't know when that happens, but for now, Mahaela and her adoption go hand in hand. It has nothing to do with being proud about adopting and wanting everyone to know it--nothing like that. It's kind of like having a newborn...everyone is aware that the baby is a newborn...and they can imagine the experience you have been through to have a newborn. But, no one knows Mahaela is adopted...she looks like she belongs to us. When she says cute things to people in her low voice in adorable English, I just want to tell them...she was "fluent" in Bulgarian just a couple months ago! When she pushes the cash register buttons at the jewelry store and the lady gives her a "lecture" (probably more for my benefit than Mahaela's), I just want to tell her, "we have a lot of training to catch up on...she's never walked down a city sidewalk, into a jewelry store and had a cash register waiting at her height, for her to push all the buttons on--she's adopted from Bulgaria."
Her adoption is such a profound, permeating experience...I don't know when the uniqueness of it will wear off.
What I do know is that I don't want Mahaela to have the label of "the adopted sister" or "their adopted daughter." That will get old, really quickly. I understand that it is the easiest way to tell our story, but I don't want Mahaela to grow up feeling less a part of our family or less of a Hauter! We won't think that, but it does play on young minds. I don't want to have to convince her how much she belongs, I just want her to know it and to feel it, because it's TRUE.

Things about Mahaela:

(a new list I am going to add to as I think of things that describe Mahaela)

She slaps her hands together at us when she is mad...like she has seen her nannies do it a lot.
She barely has eyelashes
She loves her daddy
She loves the water, bath, shower. She will spray the shower sprayer right into her face--and likes it!
She always requests "let it shine" while circling her finger="this little light of mine" when I sing to her at night

Surgery Date Set

The date is set. Mahaela will have surgery on Tuesday, March 29 to do the last correction that is needed on her heart. It was good to finally meet the surgeon that I have heard so much about from Bill. Bill does many anesthetics for pediatric heart cases and so gets to work with this surgeon a lot. The surgery is fairly straightforward in what needs to be done. She will be in the hospital for 5-10 days. We left the surgeons office and headed to the lab for a nose swab for MRSA. If Mahaela is a carrier, which I guess is not that uncommon these days, she would have to be medicated (ointment in her nose, I think) for the week before surgery; But Bill just texted that she does not have MRSA.
During the cath procedure, the cardiologist sent off a blood sample for a test that indicates whether or not she has a functional spleen. Her type of heart condition can often mean that other things are "messed up" that are developed during the same embryological stage. Strangely enough, it hasn't been easy to find out if she has a spleen or not. I guess oftentimes, these kids will have multiple small spleens that are nonfunctional. We don't know what her anatomy is, but the blood work indicated that her spleen is nonfunctional. She has been so healthy, for us and in the orphanage, that we had convinced ourselves that she probably did have a spleen. I'm pretty disappointed...we will have to get some recommendations, but she will be at risk for significant infections--the kind that could be life-threatening with her heart condition. That's the worst case scenario. On the other hand, we have heard that there is some debate on how to treat these kids. There is a difference in research between those that have congenital asplenia (no spleen from birth) or traumatic asplenia (from injury). The initial thought and treatment is that she would have to be on antibiotics for the rest of her life...we will see what they say. We are not sure who will manage this part of her care. It was strange, because nobody seemed to be interested in finding out this fact besides us. So, we may need some further test before surgery. More to that saga later.
On Friday, March 18 she will have to go to the hospital for all her preop testing...which I feel like we just did...lab work, chest xray, nose swabs...I hope they can get what they need as we leave for Colorado on March 19 for the kids' spring break. Then, as the surgeon said, my job is to keep her healthy. We will get home Saturday night...and I guess I'll try to quarantine her?? Ha...I have 4 other kids that also function as germ passers!

Snow Days...fun, but we are ready for spring!

The three of us before Mahaela's angiogram.

Daddy got to take her back...something that parents rarely get to do..."membership has it's privileges"

Mahaela always steals daddy's glasses and blows on them and cleans them on her shirt

What we know so far...

Mahaela had a diagnostic angiogram through a heart catheterization this past Tuesday. We often refer to it as simply a heart cath, but they are the same thing. She aslo had a TEE (transesophageal echocardiogram)--that is an echo that is done by a probe inserted down her esophagus. It is able to get images from the back side of the heart and possibly more clearly than the echo that is done from the outside of her chest. Maybe TMI, but I have to put that nursing degree to use every once in a while. Through this testing, they were able to confirm her anatomy, her oxygenation, the function of her heart and valves, and what correction she still needs. I could go into long, boring explanations of her anatomy, but the upshot is...she needs one more surgery. She looks perfect enough right now, that we can hardly stand putting her through it, but in the long-run, she will have better exercise tolerance, better oxygenation, and better lung function down the road.
It was nice to get a little trial run at the hospital, on the same floor she will be on after her surgery. There is a corner of the peds ICU that is just for Congenital Hearts. I'm so thankful to have this resource right where we live and work. The funny/sad thing is the kids can't wait for her to have her surgery because they have seen and heard of all the amenities that OSF has for families in their beautiful, new Children's Hospital. They really take care of the other kids also. (Child life center, video games, game room, snacks, etc). I have to remind them that this is about Mahaela and they will hopefully be in school and taken care of at home...not running around her ICU bed!
One question we hear a lot: "so will this be it--the last surgery?"
The answer: yes, we hope so....But, there are no guarantees with her heart condition. Her heart will always be at risk for heart failure...but we hope it is 50 years from now and with new technology, they could help her even more. She may have issues with arrhythmias that would require a pacemaker, or her valve, that is a bit leaky, could need repaired. So we don't know what the future holds. But we expect her to have a very normal, active childhood...just maybe not an Olympic swimmer. As the doctor told us, just start her off in golf! Many kids, especially those that tend to be athletic and enjoy active sports, do well until maybe age 10. As they grow, and the activities become more strenuous, kids are less likely to be able to tolerate that level of exertion and just can't keep up. But for now, and in the distant future, I don't believe she will be limited that much, if at all.
Today, during cath conference at the hospital, the cardiologists and the surgeons talked about her case together and the plan for her surgery. We will see the surgeon on Monday and plan a date. Now, I can't wait to just get it over with and dread seeing her feeling so yucky. I know she will do well and will be resilient, as kids are.

We would covet your prayers for Mahaela. Pray that she would stay healthy up until surgery and have a speedy recovery after. I know she will want to get out there and enjoy the spring! She will definitely get a new bike for all she has to go through!

Mahaela is doing well

Just a quick update...Mahaela had a heart catheterization/angiogram today. We spent 12 hours at the hospital and we are home this evening. She did really great. I have to run as I'm going to go snuggle with her. I will post results later, but they were as expected and "good."
God is so good to keep her safe.

Happy Conception Day!

I just have to smile...I'm not kidding, this kind of stuff plays with my mind.

For some crazy reason(s) I am still awake...Important things...cleaning, packing, working on Orphan Ministry stuff...but then I got a little distracted. All of a sudden, I thought, "I can't believe I haven't looked this up before!!!" When was Mahaela conceived??

I've birthed enough babies in the fall, to have a hunch of the approximate time of year that conception would be for a November baby. At one time, a pregnancy wheel was my favorite accessory. So I look it up....based on her birthday of November 17, 2007, the date of her conceptions was....

February 23, 2007

yep...today's date!

That is what the online pregnancy calculator said. Now, it's not an exact science...as you know, but the probable window is Feb. 17-Feb 24, 2007.

It was this day!!!! Isn't that crazy!

What an unbelievable gift from God began at this moment in time 4 years ago. But I know, that before time began, God knew Mahaela and knew that her body would begin to be knit together, to be birthed by one mother and raised by another. She was forever meant to be our child.

I'm so in love with her and now I know why I am still up...

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb.

Before you were born I set you apart..." Jeremiah 1:5

Hello there...2 months home

Our Little Valentine

Ok...I've made a mistake...I've let too much time pass since my last post. I am media challenged, and it hinders me from posting because I always seem to have trouble getting the photos or video that I want. So avoidance...that's how I roll.
I was telling Aubrey, that I really don't know what to blog about. When too much time passes, it is hard to recap in one entry what life has been like. So, lesson learned. But here is my attempt to fill in the gap:

Mahaela has been home for over 2 months. Around the 6-7 week mark, we noticed she was speaking very little Bulgarian. Her English has just continued to explode. She says complete sentences in English. She has progressed from...soc (juice), Eskum soc, eskum juice, I want juice, to Can I have juice, please? She uses many phrases and pronounces them as one word, such as "can I have a..." She pronounces it "Kanaveigh." It's so cute. There are a few Bulgarian words like Blagodaria/thank you that she would have been very familiar and fluent with that she now kind of butchers.
She loves to play hide and seek...she calls it "find us." Or "i'mgonnagetcha" and she chases us around, trying to catch us. I heard her trying to sing a few words of "Jesus loves me" the other day. I haven't heard her sing much, so that was neat. She will occasionally cry at bedtime/naptime, but mostly she is just sad about it. I've seen her sleeping with blankets on, which is great progress for the little girl who couldn't even stand to have the blankets in her bed.
Recently, she was pulling out all the stops to delay going to bed..."ashes" which is what she calls "ring around the rosie," "find us," "brush teeth," "read book." Then she finally looks at Bill, holds up a finger, says "just a second" and then just takes off running for all she's worth. In the end, her last ditch effort doesn't work. I tried to read her a book the other night, but she wouldn't let me hold her. She kept trying to sit next to me, so I told her that wasn't an option. I would only read if she was in my lap. After being threatened with just being put in bed without a book, she cooperated by sitting in my lap. I read her a book and then the big pay off came for me...she let me turn her so she was facing me sitting in my lap. I was able to hold her, hug her, rock her, and sing to her. She laid her head on my chest, sucking her thumb, and I sang every song I knew! It was a first and I wanted it to last as long as possible.
We have been going to church since she came home, almost. She initially was very interested in the Sunday School classes where she could hear the kids, but we kept her out of the classes for a while. After we were home about 6 weeks we started to put her in some of the classes. We go to church for Sunday School, Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night, so that is a lot of opportunities to drop her off. We just played it by ear after sitting out for a while. As we progressed, she started to resist going a little bit more. We took this as a wonderful sign of attachment. One Sunday am, she was not wanting to go to her class, so I told Bill to let me try to drop her off. I thought it would be easier (as it had in the past) for me to leave her because she wasn't as "crazy" about me as she was Bill. But she wanted nothing to do with staying in that classroom. I left and let her sit in a chair with me. I didn't allow her to "visit" everyone in the foyer, or get candy, or drinks from the fountain, or run around...she just got me, and she was happy to sit with ME. I let her teacher know that this was a good thing and that we would try again another day. She actually chose me over the fun of the classroom. It's great to see these signs in Mahaela. They seem small, but really they are big. So the next week she did the same thing for Sunday School, but she did go to her class for church. Last Sunday, she told me "no school" as she usually does, but she went, no tears. She was brave and stayed for the entire time of SS. and church. As I told my agency recently, we are not the poster family for attachment and bonding. This isn't how it is supposed to be done...in many or most cases. But we think Mahaela is a bit different than the typical institutionalized child that we had read about, and we really are just going with our gut in these circumstances. Each child is different. I was mentally prepared to do what needed to be done for her, but everything we are doing, for the most part, just feels right.
We have enjoyed playing hockey out on the ice and sledding a couple times. Mahaela begs to go out if she sees anyone else bundling up! We are looking forward to warm weather and spring, except that it will bring us closer to her surgery date--which is not yet set. We are completely enjoying a little break in the weather this week...after the single digit temps we have had lately, it almost feels like t-shirt weather in this warm sunshine!

Just a few more snapshots:

Mahaela getting her echo while daddy sits with her. She was a great patient!

Her first horsey ride with Uncle John--he's becoming a favorite, which is really his goal!

Daddy with his two Princesses!