One Year Post-Op

Video taken by Bill of Mahaela's heart



One year ago today, Mahaela had her third surgery to correct her congenital heart defect.  I am reminded of God's mercy to her for a full recovery. 

Bill is working today (he is an anesthesiologist) with the surgeon who performed Mahaela's surgery.  Our surgeon "reminded" him that we have an amazing little girl!  Boy, do we know it! 

As much as I thought that those 18 days in the hospital were such a blurr, I remember so much, with such clarity.  I remember how M. sounded when she was completely dehydrated...like the softest, squeakiest baby bird.  She looked bad, pathetic...but it was all part of the process to go through to heal her.  So many details etched in my memory.  I'm sure they will fade, but today I am taken back to that day.  This day, a year ago was filled with so much support and love and prayer from our family and friends.  It was really a special day--to know how cared for we are. 

1-2 days post op

Very dehydrated about 4-5 days post op.  Trying to decrease the fluid load to her lungs. 

feeling so much better

ready to ride out of there!

I won't relive the whole day...I blogged about the experience a year ago.  She has had a great year of health since then.  A couple ear infections, maybe a cold, and a couple fevers...all the normal stuff, but so normal!

I am reminded how blessed we are and how I can never take that for granted when I think of the little 7 year old staying next to our room in the hospital.  She was sick, just sick, with a similar defect as Mahaela.  Bill talked to the family a bit.  The little girl went on to be transferred to another hospital to be placed on the heart donor list...I never heard if she got a heart in time...Praying that she did and that she is doing well now. 

Thank you to all our friends and family for praying for Mahaela when she really needed it.

On an upbeat note...a couple stories:

On vacation last week, we were in a deli with the TV playing the show where the guy tries all these gross foods from around the world--Bizarre Foods (on the Travel Channel.)  He was eating rat, every bit of rat, in some SE Asian country.  I said to Mahaela, "I'm glad I live in America."  Without her even knowing what I was talking about or why I said that, and without missing a beat she said, "Me, too!"  Just made me smile.

Today I let the elastic out on her adjustable waist jeans.  When I picked her up from preschool she said her pants were falling down all day.  I asked what she did, if she had to keep hiking them up.  She said her teacher just made her go to the bathroom.  I asked if it was because her crack was showing??  She said no, to wash her hands.  Then she showed me how she had an itch and how easily she could slip her hand down the back of her pants.  Oh, the joys of being a preschool teacher!  (and how embarrassing!!--although Mahaela didn't seem to mind being called out for this poor judgment!)

TaDa!

Near Washington Monument in DC 3/22/12

Coming up soon...next week Mahaela has a check up at her cardiologist and possibly an echo.

Also, I talked to an attorney about re-adoption this week and will move forward with that...just to get that state issued certificate of foreign birth.  Probably have our court hearing this summer...think I have a new nephew that should join us...wouldn't that be fun?!

I know this may seem shocking, but I have considered changing the spelling of her name.  I'm so disappointed that no one pronounces it correctly.  But in the end, I don't think I have the guts to do it and I like how it is spelled.  Why do people butcher her name so badly??  MAHAELA...it obeys all the laws of phonics, doesn't it???  

It's been too long...

Mahaela as a baby



This is a long post, but I have a long story to share. 

I have no real excuse (as to why my last post was 3 months ago--yikes)...except life gets in the way!  I know my last entry was before Christmas, but even in the new year, there just isn't enough time for me to keep up with everything, including blogging.  If I'm blogging, be assured that something else in my life or house is falling apart (and for sure there are dirty dishes in the sink!) 

I re-read the previous post I made and watched the Gotcha Day videos again.  I am even more touched by them now than I was a few months ago...and there's a reason for that...Let me tell you about it.

This story starts back several weeks ago.  I received a Facebook friend request from the head nurse (Toncheva, as M. calls her) at Mahaela's orphanage.  I accepted it.  She doesn't speak much English, but I knew she would appreciate seeing pictures, and someone may help her translate as well.  That night, Bill said something while thumbing through his Facebook about "M. Toncheva" requesting to be friends with him.  He accepted the friend request and then also mentioned another name that I wasn't familiar with...but it piqued my interest.  When he said the name, I recalled getting the same request, but many weeks prior.  I not only didn't accept the request, I deleted it completely.  When he said the name, I immediately went to Facebook to look it up.  It seemed to be a Bulgarian name.  When I pulled up the name, various profiles popped up.  One of the profiles had this:

 

a photo of Mahaela as her profile picture!!!

My chin hit the floor.  I didn't recognize this lady, but after she accepted my friend request, I looked through her friend list and saw a handful of faces that I did recognized as caregivers.  I asked her if it was Mahaela in her profile picture (there was no question) and if we had met before.  That was the beginning of some wonderful dialog and a friendship that I will cherish.  That's how I met Petia.
 

Petia is the daughter of one of Mahaela's caregivers.  Petia no longer lives in the town of Mahaela's orphanage, but she would go "home" to visit on weekends and holidays and would talk to her mom and Mahaela very often.  She said M. would get on the phone and say "Good morning, Pete."

I asked if I could share some of our conversations on this blog...she doesn't mind, so I will share.  I didn't want Petia to feel that I was just posting our private conversations, but it just reveals so much to me about Mahaela's three years before we knew her.  So with Petia's permission, I want to share some of her words.  Some are direct quotes as she wrote them...she knows English very well, but some phrases were a bit "off."  Many of them I will leave as she wrote them, because I can just "hear" her saying it that way.

Petia: 

"I will tell you everything I know about her while she was with us...just ask.  Please kiss her from all of us."

"I want and not just me (all of my family and caregivers) to say THANK YOU, that you loved her so much.  Every day I thank God for everything you have done and will do for her and pray whole family is healthy and happy!

Petia knew M. from the time she was a baby..."she was probably a month when I saw her for the first time.  We were with my dad and my sister and mom showed her to us...believe me, Shelley, that was one of the most emotional moments in my life.  Dad wanted to hold her and she wept, from inability to catch her breath, her face was blue:( then we fall in love to this small kid:)" 

My mind just pictures my tiny Mahaela at one month old...brown eyes, soft wavy hair, distinct little nose, fresh scars on her chest.  She would have been blue when she cried due to her heart defect.  She went to the hospital in Sofia just after her birth and had surgery within her first week.  She came to the orphanage in her birth town after being in the hospital about 4 weeks.

"All we were very devoted to her...because she was our "SUNNY GIRL." 

I love that-- "sunny girl." 

"It was very difficult when she went .  At the beginning of each day we waited for information- how is she, is she crying, how was she adapting at home...everything about what a parent thinks for their own children.  Now it is a little easier...but we did not forget:)"

I had always imagined what it was like for them when M. left and what it was like for my 3 year old.  But hearing these words, I could really feel the pain of their loss.

"I am glad that our small and brave child is happy, healthy and surrounded by love with you."

Brave...I've heard that a lot.  The way she left was only due to the fact that they had given her the courage to leave...to be brave.

I asked Petia so many questions...some trivial, but things that I often wondered about...things that we had already made up answers about in our minds--many of our answers being inaccurate.

Little facts:  Mahaela was taken to the hospital for her surgeries and for other procedures and illnesses, but no one was able to stay with her.  I understand why, but it breaks my heart to think of her alone in a hospital crib for days...I like to believe that she had awesome nurses who loved on her and gave her great care. 

I asked Petia if it seemed that they became so attached to M. because she was sick.  "In the orphanage, it has happened to watch a sick child, but it was something special in her and she just took us mind at a glance."  I LOVE that..."mind at a glance."  I think it's a phrase like "she stole our hearts."  The kind of phrase that doesn't translate literally, but I completely get it.  I get it because she also "took us mind at a glance." 

Petia described what it was like when she left.  She described how her dad saw us in the car as we turned the corner and left Haskovo.  I haven't confirmed it, but I believe he is the man sitting in the car on the day M. left.  M. approached the car as if she was familiar with him, but he said something...maybe "ciao" and directed her to the car we were leaving in. 

I could not have been as strong as they were...in fact, they were all very brave when she left.  I was the one crying! 

She said not just the caregivers fell in love with M., but "the members of their families as much fell in love with this child.  For all of us it was hard to say "no" when she asked or prayed (begged) for something:)"

"Actually, I can not explain how we felt when you left...a part of us just gone.  But all know that you are the best choice for her, because you loved her so much..."

She described Mahaela like this: "she's just a charismatic child and anyone who see her fall in love!"

I can't say enough how precious these words are to me (and who doesn't love to hear great things about their child.)  I'm so grateful for every bit of information and photos we have been given.  Petia sent us some photos of M. as an infant and her first birthday celebration.  It just helps to fill in holes...a window to a time that we can never fully know. 

I have thought so much of how attached Mahaela was with her caregivers and how attached they were with her.  It is the best gift given to us and Mahaela.  It created the framework in her heart that allows us to bond and attach to Mahaela as much as we have.  That can't be replaced.  I do realize that this is not the norm in adoption.  It is not what we expected Mahaela's story to be coming from an Eastern European orphanage.  But, it is her story.  I'm not naive enough to think that this care will erase all the questions she will have in the future or her possible feelings of abandonment as she learns her story, but her experience in the orphanage gave her the best possible launch.

"Mahaela deserves to be loved and make people around her glad with her smile and energy."...and she does make us "glad"...for so many reasons, she makes us "GLAD."

15 months home today and still so much to be thankful for.  All praise and thanks to my Father in heaven who has blessed us with more than we could have asked or thought.

And that's the end to my long post...

Thank you Petia and all of the special caregivers in Mahaela's life



A year later...We Celebrate Gotcha Day!

This day will be forever etched in my mind, just as I remember the birth of my other children.  I could imagine what the birth of my children would be like and how I would feel when they arrived.  With Mahaela's adoption, I couldn't really wrap my mind around it.  I didn't know how full I would feel or how instant the love would be or how satisfying it would be.  Each of those things came at different times and in different measures...but it happened.  I couldn't have hoped, dreamed, or prayed for this adoption, transition, or first year to have gone any better than it has.  This blog has been a year of mostly writing about our adoption process and Mahaela.  I do have 4 other children that are no less special or loved by me.  I could write about any of them...but I would probably lose the 12 followers that I have!  I think I have felt most led to blog so that I may savor this process and experience, as it is unlike any other.  I also feel in some way that it will be a very preserved memory for Mahaela as she grows up.  And so for now, I keep trying to update occasionally.
Below are two segments of the same video of Mahaela leaving her orphanage.  Poor little thing...she didn't even know.  She was so ready and willing to leave all that she knew and no one was stopping her.  I am sure that by the time we tucked her into bed that night, she was done with us and ready for her ride back to her "home."  That first night was "worrisome."  She just kept repeating something over and over as she sat in bed crying, screaming.  It didn't sound like "eskum dow" but that is what she was saying..."I want down!"  We weren't holding her in bed, she sat there pretty easily, but she would not lay down and didn't for several days.  We would just watch her fall over asleep.  That first night she cried hard.  She started wheezing quite a bit and she was a sweaty, hot mess.  We were concerned about how much of a workout her sick little heart was getting by all of the stress and crying.  God showed us much mercy, because we got through those early days and weeks...without it being quite as bad as we imagined it could have been. 
Now a year later...she is one of us and has been from the beginning.  She has brothers and sisters that really love her.  There is still a bit of rivalry/jealousy between Lindsey and Mahaela, but it is better and they have become play buddies.  Mahaela has much more attention and ability to sit, even since the summer.  She now can watch TV, movies, and sit for books.  She really does love to be read to.  She is learning at preschool...I'm sure she will get "most improved" this school year.  She is learning shapes, colors, numbers, animals very quickly.
A highlight of the year for me was her recovery from her surgery.  We dreaded putting her through something so awful when she didn't "appear" sick.  We just knew it needed to be done and pushed through.  She had a bit of a rough recovery...she had days of pain and it was so hard to watch.  My heart just crumbled when she grabbed her chest screaming from the pain of the chest tube and nothing seemed to give her immediate or complete relief.  But so many people were praying for her...with time, recovery came.  She was riding her bike in the hospital halls for days before she was even discharged.  Her doctors think she looks fantastic...and we couldn't agree more.
She is a beautiful blessing in our lives and a reminder of the good that our Heavenly Father wants to shower on us all.  He gave us more than the desire of our hearts. 

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights..." James 1:17



I think the last words that you can hear one of the caregivers say is Ciao and Dovizhdane...both goodbye in Bulgarian.  There were many tears, mostly my own.  I had such gratitude for the care she had received and knew that it was a difficult day for them to see her go.  But they were so strong and truly happy for "Misha."

I just found this video that Bill must have made when he was playing around with video making...I don't think I have posted this exact one, but maybe something similar.  It contains photos from our Gotcha day and time in Bulgaria...such a special time.



Blessed beyond measure...To God be all the Glory.



Celebrating Mahaela's 4th Birthday!!!

That was then...

This is now!

Mahaela is 4 years old today!  This is our first birthday to celebrate with her.  We have been celebrating for a few days now.  She loved getting presents and had priceless reactions to each gift. 

I just received an e-card from her orphanage, the head nurse specifically.  They are thinking of her and I know they must be missing her terribly.  We sent them 2 coats recently as a gift for her birthday and also for her Gotcha day.  They were so kind to send her with 2 coats when we left the orphanage--they said both were hers and they wanted her to have them.  We didn't really need them, but I took everything they offered--from her toothbrush to her tights.  I intend to save everything, because it is all that Mahaela has to remember those first 3 years by.  I hope to send them two coats every year to celebrate her birthday.  I also sent them some recent photos.  I wish they could really see her now!

We know how unbelievable blessed we have been by having Mahaela in our family.  She is really a joy for all of us.  There is something magical about 4 year olds.  We look forward to this next year with her.  I know we have only had her for a  year...but she really is growing up too fast! 

I do wonder what her birthmom thinks of this day.  I pray she just dreams of how well she might be doing and that she believes that she did what was best for Mahaela.  Her birth parents were just part of story.  I thank God that we can be part of her story from here on out. 

Here is a video of us explaining to her that we were beginning to celebrate her birthday a couple days early...

(ya, lately she is doing something very strange with her tongue when she is embarrassed or nervous or very excited in this case!)

I know I have been quiet and I have a little blogging to fill in the gaps, but it will have to wait for another time still. 

Pack-pack and Love Notes

I have let a lot of time lapse since my last post.  I could probably write a book...but no time for that!  So I am just shooting off this short post to say we are still here.  I heard a speaker once at the mom's group at school talk about her experiences with fostering and adoption.  They had really suffered so much disappointment, but one of their Sunday School kid's said to the dad, "The neatest things always happen to you."  That is exactly how I feel right now.  So much has happened in our family, but God is good.  Don't misunderstand...we are not suffering, but sometimes what appears to be a diffuculty or hardship or inconvenience can be the absolute biggest blessing--the "neat" things in our lives.

I could put this in a post all it's own, but I had to share here one of the sweetest notes from my husband.  I am also sharing the video that prompted the email below.  I am blessed to see my husband love my children.

(after 8,452 tries, this finally uploaded!  Miracles never cease!)

Shell,
I can't stop watching that video. It is so cute, shows off her language and faces, and, of course, apparently she loves me. We have been truly blessed above anything I could have prayed or thought. God gave her to us, I know you knew it the whole time, it took me a little longer. I think it is amazing what you have done with her. I can't believe that God gave us the ability to love Mahaela like our others. I knew it could happen in theory but it has happened completely. What a journey we have been on. Loved every minute of it (with a few exceptions), and I loved doing this adoption journey with you - my best friend and the love of my life.

Bill

We met a year ago today

This photo was taken by my friend and fellow adoptive mom, Joy.  She and Nate really started the spark that led us to our youngest.  She simply made a post on her blog in February of 2009 announcing their intention to adopt.  That begged the question, "why not us?" 

One year ago Monday, July 19, 2010, we experienced the special day of meeting Misha standing on her orphanage steps.  There were several caregivers to greet us and lots of foreign language ringing out.  They were saying "Misha" and we had never heard that nickname before.  Bill kind of pulled back and said, "Is that Mahaela?"  We didn't want to mess up this first greeting.  It was indeed Mahaela!  She walked us right back to the office of the head nurse.  She gave us hugs and her signature pat on the back.  Her hair was fixed cute--they were putting their best foot forward.  She was sweet and spoiled!

The picture below was in the first few moments that we were with her.  She already had candy in her mouth and had also taken my sunglasses...she loves sunglasses! 

I am thankful for the day we met Mahaela.  It's a day much like my other children's birth days--a day that is difficult to describe in words--a day I will never forget!

I know this is from an old post, but it captures many moments from our time in Bulgaria a year ago.

7 months home today!

A few photos from summer days!

Mahaela on a car trip with headphones on--completely entertained.  She is a good traveler.

"I just woke up" as she would say.  The girl has HAIR!

Getting acclimated to the pool.  She prefers to just park it on the steps...which works out just fine!

Going down the wall slide at City Museum in St. Louis.  She really loved it.  She left with some hefty head bumps, bruises, and skinned knees and elbows!  (We [and by "we" I mean Bill] often opt for fun over common sense.  Don't send your 3 year old down a 3 story slide--they will reach terminal velocity!

Lindsey, Mahaela, Jake, Bill

Mahaela continues to do well.  She is recovered!  What a blessing and Praise the Lord!  We have had a great summer so far.  Zak cousins came for a visit and we all traveled to Missouri for the beautiful wedding of our nephew, Sam, to his bride, Jess.  If there has been one negative to the summer, it would have to be the lack of naps that Mahaela takes.  Today, she woke up with a stomping, angry attitude.  I think she needs a little more down time than she got this 4th of July weekend.  She got shots again last week--2 in her left thigh.  She didn't walk for a day and a half.  We carried her from bed to couch.  It was pretty sad and pathetic...and she might be a bit dramatic.  She did have a pretty good fever from them also.  She had to have adult versions of the pneumo- and meningococcal vaccines due to her lack of spleen.  One more Hep A the end of the month and she should be done for 2 years. 

The other negative to kids out of school, visitors around, and dad on vacation is that I lose rank!  It's a subtle attitude, but she easily dismisses me and definitely prefers daddy.  I'll survive.  Fall will come soon and we will be best buds again. 

We are really just enjoying her.  I can see much that we will be dealing with down the road and even now--she is a little spit fire and quickly goes from 0 to 10!  She is quick to pinch, scratch her siblings, especially Lindsey.  Yep, she's a pistol, but so endearing at the same time.  We just have to continue with the consistent correction. 

Almost a year ago we met her for the first time...that's another post.